Its nice having you again on this special edition of issues in dating with ARIWOOLA TEMITAYO..
It has come to notice that the word CONFLICT has hit the market like the introduction of 5,000 new note. Many homes have been destroyed as a result of the word.Many businesses perhaps have crushed as far as conflict is concerned.At the point,Issues in dating with Ariwoola has done some research works as per how the word/act could be curbed in the society.
Meanwhile,at every point in time,never hesitate to reach us if needs arise.our email is issuesindating@gmail.com or 08060998924.You are enjoined to follow us as we unravel the mystery behind CONFLICT.
Every relationship in our life – friendships, family, romantic and
professional – can potentially be destroyed by conflict. The solution
is not to ignore the conflict or keep moving around hoping to find a
set of perfect people. We need to deal with the problems we currently
face, otherwise they will just reappear elsewhere.
To a large extent, the only thing we can change in relationships is
ourself and our own attitude. We can’t expect to change other people,
but we can learn to deal with relationships in a way that promotes
harmony and diffuses conflict. Resolving conflicts in relationships is
one of the most important life skills we can develop and it is
something we need to value.
Seeing the Issue From the Other Person’s Perspective
If we have a difficult issue, it is important to see the problem
from the other person’s perspective. This does not mean we have to
agree with their viewpoint; it means we try to see the issue from a
different perspective. This empathy can at least help us to understand
where they are coming from, and why they have their particular mindset.
If we can do this we may wish to moderate our stance because we
understand why they are acting in a certain way. If we only look at
things from our perspective, conflict will be much more likely to
occur. For example, a parent dealing with difficult children should
consider the perspective that children can have at that point in life.
Tolerance
A major cause of conflict in relationships is when we expect people
to behave in a certain way. The problem with expecting certain
behaviour is that we get upset when they fail to live up to our
expectations. Even those close to us are not our responsibility; we
need to be tolerant of their mistakes and limitations. We have to
respect their decisions on how to live their life. This detachment is
not indifference; we shall retain concern and goodwill, but there comes
a point where we need to give people the freedom to make their own
choices – even if we don’t agree with them. This is especially true for
parents who have an overbearing expectation of how their children will
live their lives.
Dealing with Anger
Unfortunately, if we respond to situations by getting angry we will
exacerbate the problem. Anger embodies a feeling of aggression and
condemnation which people struggle to deal with it. Invariably it
encourages people to respond in a similar way. If we feel angry, the
best solution is to avoid talking / arguing at that particular time. We
should calm our anger before confronting other people. Any conflict
will only be exacerbated by anger. Similarly, if people approach us
with anger, we have to respond in a different way – silence is better
than getting mad at someone.
Value Harmony
To a large extent we get what we aspire for. If we really value
harmony in our relationships with others, then we will make it happen.
If we give greater important to proving ourselves right and our own
ego, then there will be a constant feeling of superiority and
inferiority which breeds conflict. If we keep reminding ourselves of
the desirability of harmony we won’t allow ourselves to become
cantankerous and miserable; we will work hard to think of others.
Oneness
The real secret to maintaining good relationships is generating a
feeling of oneness. This means we will feel happy at the success of
others; we will sympathize when they experience difficulties; we will
endeavour to avoid hurting their feelings. In oneness there is no
superiority and inferiority. Without oneness, we are prone to feelings
of pride, jealousy and insecurity. If you feel a really genuine sense
of oneness with other people, how can you want to hurt them?
Insecurity and Inner Poise
When we are full of insecurities our relationships become more
difficult. The problem is that if we are insecure about ourselves we
can become judgemental about other people; to make ourselves feel
better we will start criticizing others. We may not be conscious of
this, but it does happen. When we are peace with ourselves, good
relationships will be natural. When we have inner peace and poise, we
don’t rely on other people to give us security and praise. When we are
at peace with ourselves, we tend to have a sympathetic and positive
view of the world. Often we want to blame bad relationships on other
people; but, actually the only thing we can really do is to work on
ourselves. If we develop inner peace and poise our relationships will
definitely improve.
Talking
When tense situations arise, talking can be the most effective way
of moving past the problem. Some things are best left unsaid; it is
inadvisable to bring up old conflicts unless absolutely necessary. When
talking we should try to converse on positive issues; look for things
which we agree on and can work together on.
Perspective
Don’t get upset about little things. In the great cosmic game, most
of the minor personality conflicts are relatively insignificant. If we
get mad when someone doesn’t do the washing up, how are we going to
react when they do something really bad? If you find yourself getting
worked up by a series of small things, take a step back and try to
evaluate their relative importance. For each minor failing try to think
of a really good quality of that person. If you are sincere you will
feel that this good quality is far more important than the minor
indiscretion.
Raising Problems
Although we don’t want to bring up old scores, sometimes it is
important to make another person aware of the problems they are
creating. If we feel someone else is constantly doing something wrong,
we need to make them aware of their behaviour in a non confrontational
way. Often people just aren’t aware of the problems they are creating
and may actually appreciate being made aware of the problem. The best
approach is to try and make them aware of how their actions cause pain
to others; but, we need to try and do it in a way that doesn’t make
them feel excessively guilty. Give them room and encouragement to make
the necessary change.
No conflict is intractable. If we are willing to change our attitude
we can develop harmony even with difficult people. It is always
important to be positive and forget the past. If we can develop harmony
in our relationships, it will definitely make a big difference to our
life.
