Its
new day here....on special request this morning are vital points on
happenings.....In my inbox this morning is this vital debate saying,
FALLING IN LOVE IS BAD WHILE GROWING IN LOVE IS THE BEST...I ARGUED AND
FINALLY
Love is both a feeling and an action. As a feeling,
it is often mysterious—why you love the woman someone else divorced is
a mystery; why you love a sweet goofy guy your best f...
riend
would never even consider dating is equally unknowable. But the action
of love, the "doing" of love, is not mysterious at all. The miracle is,
that as we perform the actions of loving, the feeling of love (which
may or may not include "falling in love") blossoms. This is true
whether you’re in the first flush of love, or settled into an
established couple—the "doing" of love brings about the feeling of love.
What is the "doing" of love?
First, when you set out to love someone you spend time with them,
getting to know them as they are and you do this in a spirit of
curiosity and acceptance. You recognize they may do things or act in
ways unfamiliar to you, but you take these differences as interesting,
not as good, bad, right or wrong.
Second, you are concerned
about the person's well-being. You care about whether or not they are
happy or well taken care of and you take active measures to support
their well-being.
Third, you appreciate them. You value the
person you have chosen to love. You are grateful for all they are and
do, and you let them know it—from kind words and affectionate kisses to
bragging loudly about their qualities to friends and family.
Gratitude can be considered the bottom line "doing" of love. When you
appreciate and value someone you will automatically be concerned about
their well-being and be willing to get to know and accept them. When
you don't value someone why bother?
If the quickest way to
grow a love is gratitude, the reverse is also true. The quickest way to
kill a love is to fail to appreciate. Our tendency, all too often, is
to get caught up in the inevitable problems and difficulties of the
relationship and to stay stuck there—endlessly blaming, criticizing and
fault-finding. We ignore what's going right and the love dies. And the
more you dwell on your unhappiness the more flaws you find in your mate
until you lose your love of him or her entirely.
For example,
your spouse fails to take out the garbage, has to be dragged unwilling
and in a grumpy state to family events and falls asleep when you want
to cuddle. You focus on these shortcomings and forget that this is the
same person who sat by your bedside when you were sick for days on end,
who loves your body even when you hate it and who will hold you when
you cry even if they don’t understand why you're crying. You focus
righteously on your disappointments and forget to appreciate, to be
grateful for what is good. After a while, you don't see anything to be
grateful for and the love dies. How sad!
See More
Its
new day here....on special request this morning are vital points on
happenings.....In my inbox this morning is this vital debate saying,
FALLING IN LOVE IS BAD WHILE GROWING IN LOVE IS THE BEST...I ARGUED AND
FINALLY
Love is both a feeling and an action. As a feeling, it is often mysterious—why you love the woman someone else divorced is a mystery; why you love a sweet goofy guy your best f...
Love is both a feeling and an action. As a feeling, it is often mysterious—why you love the woman someone else divorced is a mystery; why you love a sweet goofy guy your best f...
riend
would never even consider dating is equally unknowable. But the action
of love, the "doing" of love, is not mysterious at all. The miracle is,
that as we perform the actions of loving, the feeling of love (which
may or may not include "falling in love") blossoms. This is true
whether you’re in the first flush of love, or settled into an
established couple—the "doing" of love brings about the feeling of love.
What is the "doing" of love?
First, when you set out to love someone you spend time with them, getting to know them as they are and you do this in a spirit of curiosity and acceptance. You recognize they may do things or act in ways unfamiliar to you, but you take these differences as interesting, not as good, bad, right or wrong.
Second, you are concerned about the person's well-being. You care about whether or not they are happy or well taken care of and you take active measures to support their well-being.
Third, you appreciate them. You value the person you have chosen to love. You are grateful for all they are and do, and you let them know it—from kind words and affectionate kisses to bragging loudly about their qualities to friends and family.
Gratitude can be considered the bottom line "doing" of love. When you appreciate and value someone you will automatically be concerned about their well-being and be willing to get to know and accept them. When you don't value someone why bother?
If the quickest way to grow a love is gratitude, the reverse is also true. The quickest way to kill a love is to fail to appreciate. Our tendency, all too often, is to get caught up in the inevitable problems and difficulties of the relationship and to stay stuck there—endlessly blaming, criticizing and fault-finding. We ignore what's going right and the love dies. And the more you dwell on your unhappiness the more flaws you find in your mate until you lose your love of him or her entirely.
For example, your spouse fails to take out the garbage, has to be dragged unwilling and in a grumpy state to family events and falls asleep when you want to cuddle. You focus on these shortcomings and forget that this is the same person who sat by your bedside when you were sick for days on end, who loves your body even when you hate it and who will hold you when you cry even if they don’t understand why you're crying. You focus righteously on your disappointments and forget to appreciate, to be grateful for what is good. After a while, you don't see anything to be grateful for and the love dies. How sad!
See MoreWhat is the "doing" of love?
First, when you set out to love someone you spend time with them, getting to know them as they are and you do this in a spirit of curiosity and acceptance. You recognize they may do things or act in ways unfamiliar to you, but you take these differences as interesting, not as good, bad, right or wrong.
Second, you are concerned about the person's well-being. You care about whether or not they are happy or well taken care of and you take active measures to support their well-being.
Third, you appreciate them. You value the person you have chosen to love. You are grateful for all they are and do, and you let them know it—from kind words and affectionate kisses to bragging loudly about their qualities to friends and family.
Gratitude can be considered the bottom line "doing" of love. When you appreciate and value someone you will automatically be concerned about their well-being and be willing to get to know and accept them. When you don't value someone why bother?
If the quickest way to grow a love is gratitude, the reverse is also true. The quickest way to kill a love is to fail to appreciate. Our tendency, all too often, is to get caught up in the inevitable problems and difficulties of the relationship and to stay stuck there—endlessly blaming, criticizing and fault-finding. We ignore what's going right and the love dies. And the more you dwell on your unhappiness the more flaws you find in your mate until you lose your love of him or her entirely.
For example, your spouse fails to take out the garbage, has to be dragged unwilling and in a grumpy state to family events and falls asleep when you want to cuddle. You focus on these shortcomings and forget that this is the same person who sat by your bedside when you were sick for days on end, who loves your body even when you hate it and who will hold you when you cry even if they don’t understand why you're crying. You focus righteously on your disappointments and forget to appreciate, to be grateful for what is good. After a while, you don't see anything to be grateful for and the love dies. How sad!
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