Make Your Relationship Work Are you having trouble with your sweetie, or just wanting to spice up your healthy relationship? Relationships require time and effort, whether your love is on the rocks or you're on cloud nine. If you're willing to put in the work, these easy tips can help you take your love to a new level. Steps 1 Figure out if your relationship is worth saving. The sad truth is that many relationships have passed their expiration date--if you try to save them, you'll just end up getting hurt. There is no easy trick to answering this question; you'll know in your heart if you're with "the one" or just "the one I've been dating for five years so I might as well stick with it." Here are some red flags to let you know that your relationship may be approaching a dead end: •If one or both of you have a history of being unfaithful to each other, then the damage you have done may be beyond repair. •If you find yourself constantly attracted to other people, or even fantasizing about dating another person, then you may have lost that feeling for your current love interest.•If you suspect your loved one just doesn't make you want to be a better person. If nothing about the relationship makes you want to grow, then you may have become too complacent for that spark to stay lit.•If you're in the relationship because you're afraid to be alone or because you don't think you can do much better. This is a sign that you feel more anxiety than love.•If you refuse to ever leave your significant other because "it would hurt him/her too much." The longer you wait to call it off, the more hurt your loved one will be, and if you know it just doesn't feel right, then you're not doing your significant other any favors by sticking around.•If you are afraid to introduce your significant other to new friends or family members because you're worried they won't get along. Do you really want to date someone you can't show off to your friends and family? It's one thing if your significant other is just shy, but if he or she can't get along with anyone else in your life, it can be a deal-breaker.2Look through the windshield, not the rearview mirror. In order to move forward in your relationship, you have to absolutely stop obsessing over your loved one's past--as well as your own. If you're too hung up on whether or not he's still gaga over his ex from high school, or if your old ex is dating someone new, then you'll never be able to strengthen your bond. •Avoid asking too many questions about your loved one's past relationships, and definitely avoid snooping through his things or looking online for hints about his past. Not only will this make you worried for no reason, but if he finds out, it won't speak well of your confidence for the new relationship.•As for your own exes, you don't have to cut off contact with them unless it's necessary, but do try to minimize contact, especially when you're starting a new relationship.3Share your passions. It's important to have common interests other than your love for each other. At first, passion may be enough to keep your love going, but once your relationship matures, it's important to share common interests or activities so that your relationship stays fresh. •You should work on sharing hobbies, whether you bake desserts every Sunday, or find a TV show that no one likes but you two.•Have a couple culture project. You can decide to watch at least one movie together a week, or have your own mini-book club. That way, you can motivate yourself to learn new things and have something to talk about.•Make time for fun for fun's sake. Not everything you do as a couple has to make you more interesting or talented. There's nothing wrong with sharing a pitcher of beer and hitting up a local pool table once in a while.4Share your passions--but not all of them. Though it's important to have shared interests with your loved one, it is just as important to have your own interests. •Do you love yoga while he likes swimming at the local pool? Do you like getting together with your girlfriends to dance to 80s music, while he likes meeting his bro-friends at the local bar to watch football? Great! It's important to maintain your own identity while building an identity as a couple.•And it's just as important to spend the night with your sweetie hanging out with friends as it is to have some alone time regularly. Both of you absolutely need it in order to maintain your own interests, as well as to realize how grateful you are when that loved one is around.5Learn to compromise. It's important to stand up for what you believe in--but only to a point. If you're sick of sushi but your girlfriend has been dying to try the new Japanese place on date night, give in but ask if you can pick the movie. •But always remember that it's important that both people are willing to make a sacrifice. If you find yourself always giving in to your loved one's needs, big or small, it's time to have a talk.6Follow your own pace. The biggest mistake you can make is putting your foot on the gas to catch up with all the speeding cars--you'll end up crashing and burning. •Just because your impulsive best friend has shacked up with her boyfriend of three weeks doesn't mean that you and your boyfriend have to go apartment hunting ASAP.•Even if all of your friends and their pet fish are getting married, it does not mean that you are ready to take the plunge.7Communication is key. If something is bothering you, it's important to let your loved one know so you can tackle the problem together. •Pick the right place and time to have a talk. Even if there's something really important that you want to say to your sweetie that feels like it can't wait, you won't be able to have the conversation you want to have if you try to talk at a loud concert, or the minute after your significant other got some bad news at work. Make sure you are both sitting down and looking at each other to have the conversation to avoid distractions.•Use the right tone to get heard. If you begin the conversation in an aggressive manner, your significant other is likely to get defensive. Be as calm and rational as possible, even if you're feeling angry. This will let your significant other actually hear what you have to say.•Don't be too confrontational. Try saying, "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about," instead of, "We have to have a talk--now!" This will still show that what you have to say is important, but will cut down on the drama.•Don't let the small things build up. If you want to avoid having big serious talks all the time, remember that if something small ticks you off, you can tell your significant other without making a big deal about it. That way, you can avoid being passive aggressive or having the tension build up, and can move forward while understanding each other's needs.•However, it's also important to know when to lay off--if you're bothered because your boyfriend accidentally put your milk away in the cabinet, there's no need to nag him, especially if he's had a rough day.8Even if your love is rock solid, your loved one should not be taken for granted. Remind yourself how lucky you are to have found your soul mate, but that it'll take hard work to make the relationship thrive. •No matter how busy your days are, try to find the time to have a conversation when you're both away from your computers, phones, and televisions. It's important to make time for each other even if everything is going well.•Do something completely new together as often as you can, whether its taking a dance class or making your own gnocchi, to avoid getting into a rut.•Compliment your significant other at least once a day. For bonus points, find something new to say every time!

Teaser For The Nite; Understanding Your Man; When he says he needs his space, what does that exactly mean? Does it mean he wants to break up? Does he need time to give more attention to his life or work? Usually when a man says he needs his space, he needs his space away from you. There is something in the relationship that isn't sitting right with him.... Some men use the need space line as a way to let you down easy. They have decided that they don't want to continue with the relationship and they are hoping you will just end it for them and save them the trouble of being the bad guy. Sad but true. Still you wonder why he would want to end it and why not just tell you he wants to end it instead of saying "he needs space". The main reason though that a guy feels he needs space is because he is sensing that you are ahead of him in the relationship of more invested. Perhaps you have giving him most of your time, are always available and he feels he is fast becoming the center of your Universe. This is scary for not only a man but for any human being that is emotionally pretty healthy. When he starts to feel you are depending on him for a level of your well being, he feels you may begin to or already have set up expectations. Maybe you expect him to call everyday, maybe you expect him to spend most of his free time with you. Maybe you expect him to always greet you with terms of endearment. Regardless, a man has to give to you because he wants to and if he feels it is expected, it just won't be the same for him. When a man tells you he needs space, he is telling you to slow down. He is telling you to not depend on him. He is hoping you won't fall apart when he asks for it. If he says he needs space, give it to him, and get busy with your life. If he doesn't come back around in a week or so, you have your answer and you know which of these reasons he needs his space. This is why it is so important to space the relationship and not begin to invest your everything into a man too soon. It will back fire on you and he will begin to feel smothered or trapped. Take more responsibility for your own happiness. Men love happy women. Pls Like & Share Written By Ariwoola Temitayo Issues

Morning Teaser for 15/11/2013... Courtesy:Dr Issues in Dating... Teaser For the Nite ... Twelve ways to know that you are in a wrong relationship 1. When it is all about emotions and feelings but lacks purpose of partnership 2. When it constitutes a distraction to your initial goals and vision 3. When it contradicts your values and personal convictions. 4. When you have to fall out of love with God and his word just to stay in love with him/her 5. When you have lost your peace and assurance from God concerning the relationship and your attempts at fixing it fails miserably. 6. When the relationship lacks common likes, common passions, and common convictions, and the areas of conflicts overwhelm and overshadow the areas of compatibility. 7. When one of you is a desperate move to rescue or make over the other person. 8. When the timing, the manner or the pattern by which the foundation for the relationship was laid was crooked, corrupt, and conflicting to the laws of purity, the laws of sexual attraction, and the laws of relationship. 9. When you are the only person that sees something good about it. When all your friends, family, pastors, colleagues are all worried about it, except you. 10. When your haste to commence the relationship is greater than the need to sit down and plan for the relationship and you seem so careless to the details of what you are going into. 11. When the things you do, permit or goes on in the relationship has become like the secrets of a cult that must never to told to anyone and you even proceed to swear to that effect using a drink, blood or saliva. 12. When you are forced to remain in the relationship despite your clear intention to quit and you have become a victim of depression, guilt, blackmail, “manage me anyhow”, and “I have nowhere else to go.” Good morning, Dr Ariwoola Issues.

Courtship Is Not A License To Sexual Immorality! Don't proof your love for a man by giving him sex otherwise you will end up in shame and regret. Many singles have had their dreams, life and marital destinies shattered due to premarital sex. Premarital sex is not a proof of love! If Sex is a proof of love, prostitutes would have been happily married! Stop giving sex to hook and keep a man! Brothers, stop destroying single sister's life with your manhood! Stop allowing your erection to determine your direction. Stop deceiving sisters with promise of marriage in order to shatter their lives! There is always payback time! Sisters, trust in God! Don't sell yourself. Do not put yourself in a situation where you have to beg someone to stay at the expense of your dignity slowly walking away. If it's meant for you, you won't have to beg for it. You will never have to sacrifice your dignity for your destiny. seek God more than you seek a spouse....as you... seek HIM and His kingdom, all things are added to you! Matt 6:33. Singles, Stop pursuing looks, shapes and using your body for attention. Stop kissing, neckling, snuffing, romance, erotic contacts, fumbling and actual sex. Honestly, if we all obey God strictly, the devil will lose his battle over marriages! Teaser for the Nite Choosing A Life Partner Must Be Based On Love and Personal Conviction From The Holy Spirit Not On Sympathy, Money, Sex, Tribe, Frustration, Parental Choice, Competition Or Age. Dr Issues in Dating

Ariwoola Temitayo Before You Say "I Do": A Checklist for Smart Women, Pt 1 Dr.Issues in Dating 12/11/ 2013 I'm happy to report that I'm riled up again. This is a good thing, because it makes me do useful stuff, like finishing books and writing this here article. It's not a good thing because usually what gets me riled up is a good woman stuck in a bad spot. Not so long ago, I met such a woman. She's smart, educated and dazzlingly beautiful. Her poems attest to a nimble intellect, an expansive soul and an observant eye for the truth. A rare individual. What I did not understand was how she got married to a man who ended up abusing her, cheating on her and blaming his cheating on her ("This is what you deserve"). She had two children with him and is still going through a rancorous divorce two years after separating, putting her in a tough spot financially and emotionally. How does crap like this happen to good women -- smart women who know better? How do the warning signs elude them? Well, it can happen in a lot of ways: You fall in love, put your frontal lobe in a jar and marry a guy you later on find you don't know all that well. Some dude pursues you so doggedly that you just give up after a while. You're stuck in a bad living situation and use marriage as an escape route. Your parents treated you poorly so you marry a guy who fits that love template 'cause it feels like home, albeit a lousy one. The reasons for women marrying the wrong guy are as numerous as the millions of divorces filed in Nigeria every year. But if divorce is a disease, then a little bit of prevention may have forestalled many of them. Consider this short checklist below as a little bit of a vaccine then. Since you ladies have more to lose, you should be vigilant about your choice of mate. A 'starter marriage' can derail your career path, saddle you with children you can hardly support, kill the carefree idealism that made you so appealing, tax your mental health, and consume your ultimate irreplaceable asset -- your youth and beauty. Do I have your attention now? Oh good. One disclaimer before we start: having never been a married woman, I do not speak from firsthand experience. However, I do know good choices from bad ones, so here are some principles to help you decide better: 1) Do not say yes if you're deeply in love. Is it a good idea to buy a car if you're drunk? Is it a good idea to put an offer on a house when you're high as a kite? Then it's also not a good idea to accept a marriage proposal if you're in love with someone. What?!? Isn't that the reason to get married? Isn't this the culmination of every white-wedding dream you've had as a kid? No, no, no and hell no, sister. That's some weird bill of sale that the romance books have sold you. Up to very recent times in human history, that's not why people got married. And, judging from the 50%+ divorce rates in this country, it's not a very good reason to do so. Why? Because the most reliable aspect of falling in love is that you will fall out of it. Guaranteed. On average after 18 months, according to scientists. Generally, you should not make big-ticket decisions in a state of acute intoxication. And being in love is very much a state of acute intoxication. Brain imaging studies of people in love show that their mind functions as if they're kinda nuts. Whole parts of executive judgment just plain fall out of your cranium. What should you do instead? Wait. Being in love is drunkenness and impaired judgment. It tends to peak early, then decline -- regression to the mean. Real love tends to build over time, not decline. Only if the crazy love has already worn off, you still find yourself putting up with his smelly socks and nocturnal flatulence, and somehow think he'd make a fine father for your children, then go for it. Marriage is a vast edifice deserving of a strong foundation. Don't build it on the flimsy leaves of infatuation. 2) Do not marry a man you've known less than 18 months. Since I know most of you are going to ignore the first principle, at least give yourself this escape hatch. 18 months is the average time it takes to fall out of love -- i.e., about the time it takes for the fog to clear from your eyes and to see the guy for who he really is. Sure, doing something impulsive can be fun sometimes: "Let's go to the Shotgun Chapel in Vegas and get married!" Kind of like going bungee-jumping on a dare when the bungee cord is broken, or if there is no bungee cord at all and you're just heading into a freefall splat. Hmmmmmn Guys make for poor impulse buys. Keep your impulse buys to small things, like a teddy bear or piece of Teuscher chocolate, not men who can potentially ruin your whole life. 3) Get a prenuptial agreement -- especially if you're making good money. This advice used to be the sole domain of men, but times have changed. A survey revealed that women in Nigeria make more money on average than the men. whom are you going to find who makes more than you? Now I know you're different. And I know you and your boy really, really love each other. But you know what? Nobody goes to the altar not really, really loving each other at that moment. Hate to break it to ya, but it ain't all that special. So take a deep breath, recognize your humanity (read: fallibility) and concede that, in this country, you've got a 50-50 shot for making this work. Girl -- you have no idea who you're marrying until you marry him. It's like trying to practice swimming on dry land: no amount of preparation does you any good until you take the plunge. So be smart about it. And if you truly love him and love yourself, line things up beforehand to avoid a rancorous split should things go sour. Divorce is a terrible, awful, miserable thing -- especially if there are worldly goods, pets and children involved. And if you've been smart, savvy and industrious enough to build yourself some wealth, protect your life's work. You do not want to be paying alimony to some unemployed deadbeat you no longer like, let alone love. Do u need more of this inspiring words?talk shows,seminars for singles?call Dr Issues in dating now!!!!!

WISDOM FOR SINGLES Never Marry A Stranger! Take Your Time To Know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with! Pray to God... to unveil him or her to you! A saint on facebook maybe a star in the kingdom of darkness! Don't be carried away! Inspiring facebook profile is not enough for you to say "yes" I Do" Let your pastor or marriage counselor investigate him or her! It is for your own good my dear! A deacon in the church maybe a dragon at home! A president of the youth fellowship may not be a resident of heaven. That dedicated worker in the church may be a dedicated worker of iniquity! That quiet singer may be a quiet serpent. Be patient, lest you marry a saintly prostitute or a tongue-speaking home boxing champion! Check the way people relate with him or her. Ask questions! Do not hide your feelings

Ariwoola Temitayo CO-INCIDENCE OF LIFE: 1. CHURCH has 6 letters so does MOSQUE . 2. BIBLE has 5 letters so does QURAN. 3. LIFE has 4 letters so does DEAD.... 4. HATE has 4 letters, so does LOVE. 5. ENEMIES has 7, so does FRIENDS. 6. LYING has 5, so does TRUTH. 7. HURT has 4, so does HEAL. 8. NEGATIVE has 8, so does POSITIVE. 9. FAILURE has 7, so does SUCCESS. 10. BELOW has 5, but so does ABOVE. 11. CRY has 3 letters so does JOY. 12. ANGER has 5 so does HAPPY. 13. RIGHT has 5 so does WRONG. 14. RICH has 4 so does POOR. 15. FAIL has 4 so does PASS 16. KNOWLEDGE has 9 so does IGNORANCE. Are they all by Co-incidence? We should Choose wisely, this means LIFE is like a Double-Edged Sword. Have a great day nd b a Positive Thinker....

Permit me this time around to start with this quote... ""Meaning resides in Man and not in words"" Something comes to my mind wen I tell pple closer to me that I love dem...off course,its now a National anthem being sang by all and sundry..Yet,only few knows the strenght of the great word.... If a guy who nvr ask u out tells u as a lady he loves u,what meaning would u reside to this poem?... Does smtin tells u behind that he is in love and hasn't told you or dnt know how to tell u.... Dr issues does that,I mean,I tell Ladies,fans that I love this... This little write up will simply put u through..Courtesy,Dr Issues Ariwoola. Hmmmmn, I LOVE YOU" and "I DON'T LOVE YOU" I love you is a deep expression of your affection to someone whether relatives or love ones e.g spouse, fiance/fianceè e.t.c. Over the century, the statement now has various conflicting impressions and when someone tells you I love you or I don't love you; you need to LOOK BEYOND THE STATEMENT. When Rebekah saw Isaac for the first time, even at a distance away before formal introduction, they both CONNECTED immediately. I am confident to say it was not love at first sight because LOVE GROWS WHEN NURTURED only ATTRACTION gets you nearer to people. Gen.24:62-65. Nowaday the statement has become a GENERAL CHORUS, I love you could mean I want your money, I want to have sex with you e.t.c. I DON'T LOVE YOU! This statement means different things to different people. I don't love you to some people could mean *You are short * You are not rich * You are not handsome/ beautiful * Your spoken english is not sound *You are not social *You have local accent *You have no job *You don't dress well *I don't have feelings for you because we are not emotionally compatible *I don't like being seen with you *I don't miss you when we are apart. * You are not from my state of origin e.t.c. Love goes beyond affluence and physical beauty, it is a thing of the HEART. Don't say it when you don't mean it well. Hope this is helpful? DR ISSUES ARIWOOLA.

MARRIAGE REVIVAL
Some decades ago, every poster on open air crusade always centralized on the same theme ”Revival! Revival!! Revival!!!” and, this is what we grew up to know in any gathering of believers. But in this generation, reserve is the case. Revival has faded away and we choose the theme that suits us.
In 1844, maria woodworth- Etter was a woman of God that caused revival to happen in her generation. She groomed her spirit through prayer producing invincible strength. She was known as a revivalist who could break towns open.
In this perverse generation, where it is so difficult for revival to happen, the fire of revival can start from your marriage. This is not the era where we wait for gathering of Believers from different places before we can experience it.
Revival is not automatic like other miracles we receive in the church, every heart must be opened, prepared and be ready to receive it. You can gather your family members together and cry for revival!
Lord! Cause revival to happen again, send down revival like the days of old! Revival in our homes! Revival in our lives! Revival in the churches of God! Revival in our country and revival in the world at large!
EVIDENCES OF MARRIAGE REVIVAL
*Smooth relationship between husband and wife
*Insult and assault will be over
*Fruitfulness
*Spiritual maturity
*All-round blessings
*Every argument will cease and there will be clearer understanding of God’s mind in marriages
May the God of heaven make your marriage to enjoy the first fruit of revival this year, there shall be all-round revival in your homes in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

Do not jump into marriage to fix an unresolved issue...Unlike dating, marriage is a covenant agreement.

Despite our best intentions and genuine hope, marriage is often a result of temporary insanity or false expectations. Most marriage issues existed before "I Do," and many pray that what was not fixed during dating will go away after "I Do."

The Devil Is A Big Fat Liar From The Pit of Hell, marriage does not undo what you didn't do or resolve before you said "I Do" In most cases, it makes it worse. Remember, if someone does not respect you during dating, giving that person marriage rights is highly unwise.

If you have made this mistake.....deal with it head on or else "I Do" will turn into a free pass for "What Somebody Won't Do.

Do you need to have a heart to Mind Convo with Yourself?

We tend to blame others for something that is really our fault....but we would not know until we are ready to face the truth.....

***You dated 4 guys and it all ended the same way.....Instead of saying all Men are Dogs.....check out the common denominator.......
***You dated 5 gurls and all the relationships ended in the same manner......rather than telling yourself that all females are bitches......Check you out....

Until you can sit down and have a heart to heart talk between your mind and heart.....and get to know what is it about you that is actually picking the same Man/Woman.....because that's what you are doing....it's the same person just in different bodies...

YOU are the common denominator in all the fallen relationships.....what is it about you that attracts crazies?what are you doing wrong? What can you do to fix it?

Tell yourself the truth.....
Even if the whole world lies to you about you......you should know the real truth within you....Find your truth.

DR ISSUES ARIWOOLA

With stress written over her face on friday night after the day's work(A FRIEND)...

Her affirmative answer was BOLD,MEATY,SHARPto be NO,I CNT ACCEPT....

Good morning fans,its nice having on here on this great day,I still remain your anchor,Ariwoola Temitayo Issues..
With me today is a great topic specially dedicated to my female fans out there..
Over the past,women have faith their 1st faith of either being the 2nd lady @ home or third wife to be precise...
Obinrin je n pe meji...oosa obinrin o je...
Even for muslim over there whose believe and religion supports marrying above 1,it has become a special taboos for women to quickly deny the option and say I REJECT IT IJN or AWUSUBILAI being the 2nd wife......me/husband alone....

Let's call a spade a spade...can u be the 2nd wife,3rd.... (Woooo ever)slang!!!!!

What will be ur response,action if ur husband comes home telling u Tales by moonlight stories about his intention of marrying a 2nd wife or perhaps begging u to accept his deed of impregnating a lady out there....
What a spoil t euphoria day.....


Hmmmmmnn,it looks unreal to u 1st,it looks like dream wen u hear,its seems ur struggling has come to end,it flashes to your memory your uzzling/suffering time with your husband,he looks like an ingrate....

You remember his trials days ,you say it loud....during pains,I stayed,in hardship,I endured with you,wen there was no money,I sponsored your education,I gave u my heart,u broke it....
WHAT A GREAT MOMENT....

What other disappointing adjectives???
let's get ur view....
How would you feel?
Will u leave your matrimonial home?
Can u endure a polygamous home???

Good morning house....
Dr Issues.....

Dangers of Pre-marital Sex -

Marriage [is] honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrew 13:4;

This is the age that evil is gaining more prominence; people, society, culture and civilization are making frantic attempt to rationalize and create excuses for premarital sex, but, it does not matter what people seem to have generally accepted, the position of the Almighty God can never change. God’s stand with respect to sex is very clear and unambiguous; sex is exclusively reserved for married couples, a man and a woman who are legitimately married. There is nothing sinful about sex if it takes place between couples within the confinements of marriage, but according to the scriptures, God’s wrath looms over everyone who engages in sex outside of marriage unless he or she repents immediately and quit.

Premarital sex comes with a number of consequences ranging from physical to emotional and spiritual. The first danger of sex before marriage is that, those who engage in it are breaking God’s law and order for marriage. God’s order for marriage as clearly stated in Genesis 2: 24 involves leaving, cleaving and becoming one flesh. Those who contravened this order according to the accounts of the bible were either burnt alive or stoned to death! In God’s order for marriage, becoming one flesh [sexual intercourse] is to take place only after the marriage union has been properly consummated following a clear cut leaving [separation consequent upon parental consent] and cleaving [as attested to by public declaration of intention of the couples to live together as husband and wife]. Engaging in sex before marriage is tantamount to building on a wrong spiritual foundation and this may have serious negative effects on the marriage. For those who have fallen victim of premarital sex, immediate genuine repentance is required to break the consequence of violating God’s law and repair the faulty foundation.

Another danger of sex before marriage is that it opens an avenue for distrust and suspicion in the marriage union. Apart from the loss of dignity, honour and self respect the couples would have enjoyed with themselves if they had kept their bodies pure, the chance of suspicion in their marriage will be very high. It may be difficult for those who slept with each other during courtship to trust each other when eventually married. Either of them may be faced with questions such as ‘How am I sure that he/she will be faithful to me if he/she could not discipline himself/herself during courtship?’ What is the assurance that he/she is not sleeping with others if he/she agreed to sleep with me?’ These and several other suspicious thoughts can be precipitated by sex before marriage, and could result in serious emotional stress, disturbance or damage, especially during times of pressures and misunderstandings.

In some cultures, the excuse of some ladies for engaging in premarital sex may stem from family or parental pressure to get pregnant before getting married for fear of not having a child after marriage. This is unfounded and ridiculous. There should never be any form of experiment before marriage. The truth is that only God knows what lies ahead of each and every one of us. It is foolish for any lady to think she can keep a man or secure her marriage by getting pregnant before marriage. The fact is, if a there is true love, there will never be any need for pregnancy before marriage as a bait to keep the man. If a man asks you to go to bed with him before getting married, it is doubtful whether he really loves you. What he wants is a child and not you!

Your testimony as a child of God is not what you can toy with. You cannot afford to trade off your future and destiny on the altar of premarital sex. The price could be greater than you can afford to pay! Temptations to go into sex may be intense but you are to resist and keep yourself pure until you are legitimately married. There is nothing to be in a hurry for; the man or the woman will soon be yours but until then, you are not permitted to uncover each other’s skirt and pants. The dignity of marriage is when both of you keep yourselves for each other. The scripture says that God will judge all fornicators and whoremongers it does not matter what the world has accepted as norm.

Don't take off your panties, because he
called you beautiful, take them off because
he married you.

Don't open your legs because he said you
... will make a good mother. Open them
because he's ready to be a father after
your wedding.

Don't take him home because he gave you
a ride or buy you ice cream and fried rice,
take him home because he treated you
like a queen and is committed to be the
love of your life.

Don't push him away because he has no
money today. Hold him close if he is a man
of vision, to another woman, he's Honey
and he got brighter days ahead, with a
prospective blossoming future.

Don't go punishing him because another
man hurt you! All men are not the same!

A man who fears God doesn't hurt! If he
loves you, give him a chance and he may
be the best thing that ever happened to
you.

Don't stay up all night wondering where to
find a good man. Work on your character!

Be an asset! Serve GodSee More

2 memorable dates I cnt forget in my life are March 22 and May 1..indeed,the 2 dates are part of my life...
As u are aware,ISSUES IN DATING does not jst fall from heaven bt with the initiative from the Almighty God...
Many international pages too out there on relationship matters,bt we stand out from them as a NIGERIA FACEBOOK PAGE with the 2nd position of high members..we re black but our brain i...sn't black as they think...

I started with the name,since then its been flourishing like tree planted by the rivers side..

At this end,I will gladly inform you that ISSUES IN DATING ON FACEBOOK WITH ARIWOOLA TEMITAYO will be a year old on d 1st of May(tomorrow)..

Many pple I can nvr forget as issues in dating is concerned..

A role model shd be like a small god,"I attended your progrm that day and was mesmerised to open my own page..u gave me 15mins to speak on a topic which God spoke through me"......Bro Elijah Afolayan..

Adewunmi Oke,I owe u much appreciation,ma ny times without numbers,am nvr scared of being away cos I know u re there to write meaningful and inspiring write ups...kudos to the WAY OUT CLINIC...

And to my other 4,590 fans out there following my posts,I say a very big thank you all to the likings,comment s,posts,suggest ions you have all been making so far..

Innumerable invitations so far on relationship and dating stuff by many churches..

C/ S UNIFICATION,MAPOLY

REDEEMED XTIAN

CHURCH OF GOD

WINNERS CHAPEL EDO STATE/ABK

CHRIST GLORIOUS CHURCH and other religion outlets in Lagos and Abeokuta..

Join me as we celebrate this precious group@1

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ISSUES IN DATING.....

Courtesy,
Dr Issues..See More

What an humanitarian lady with a good vision,objective..Very straight forward and humble..skilful,intelligent and Clever lady...Join me in celebrating this genius

Name---Kelani Sikirat

Omobola
... D.O.B---31st may,198?
Email----kilanibola@yahoo.com

Number--0805290895.

Sch attended---- Moshood abiola poly. HND in mass com.

Bbm--228c6d4b

Likes---Truthfulness

Dislikes---- lies.
Hobbies---

travelling,singing

Present location--AbeokutaSee More

Celebrity!!!Celebrity!!!
Very prolific one,with smile on her face,hopes on her cheeks,tomorrow shows greatness and gladness tru her conversation...she is sm1 I call my Mummy.

I see her humble smile on phone each time!!what a Damsel!!

... Very humble,respected,virtueous,dilligent and high class lady with a distinctive knoledge of human understanding...

Join me as I introduce this Erudite scholar and Business guru to the house,SHE IS??????

Name--Oluwatuyi Jumoke
D.0.B----29/01/198?
Phone Number----0805570842?(On request)
BB pin--(on request)

Religion---xtianity

Email---Jumoke_oluwatuyi@yahoo.com

Hobby---singing/dancing

Dislikes---lies,backbitters

Likes------
faithfulness,honesty

Education---Yaba TechSee More

Have you seen the new MTN Port
advert? Did you notice that the lead face
Saka use to advertise for Etisalat? I Will
be sharing with you what likely went
down behind the scene to cause what
... you will call in developed nations "Brand Scandal" and I will relate it to
our day to day situations of costly
mistakes we make. Today's edition
focus on Relationships. His decision to port to MTN after a better
20million Naira deal gives us a vivid
example between most single men and
single ladies who will date each other
for years but the guy will refuse to seal
the relationship with a marriage contract. My advice to such ladies is
simple: Port to the man willing to marry
you.
Etisalat used Saka for years and refused
to have a legal contract with him. Today
they are paying heavily for it. My sincere advice to our single ladies is
don't be foolish. Look for a man that
value your worth enough to keep you
for life. Not that guy that keep
promising you marriage, claiming
things are still tight for him. Marriage has nothing to do with being wealthy.
Pastor Nike Adeyemi once shared how
they got married in a one room
apartment and it made sense.
Remember anyone who is not willing to
sign that marriage contract doesn't value your worth. If he refuse to marry
you. You want my advice;" make you
port ooo!" Lastly,once you see a guy that sign that
deal,give it your best.You saw how
Saka danced a 20million naira dance in
the new MTN Port advert.He never
danced in such a way for Etisalat.Once
the guy put pen on paper,give him the best of your life.He deserves it. This is a special information to all my
friends,you better value me now before
I port

HOW COULD MY VIRGIN GIRLFRIEND DO THIS TO ME..

Last night was my birthday eve, sleep eluded me. I was so engrossed with the priceless birthday gift my virgin girlfriend plans to offer me. She promised to let me pounce on her virgin thighs as a birthday gift to me. Men! What better gift can a man ask for...she was a pure and sure virgin, unfingered, unkissed, untouched...swe et right?

if you wo...uld permit me to use that wrong vocabulary.

Before then, she has been seducing me for the past ten months with erotic notes, talks and texts...like... "hey baby my young thighs are waiting for you to separate them...hmmm i'm so horny for you baby....i want you inside of me...when I make a move she'll say...HEY! WAIT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY BEFORE YOU CAN HAVE IT!"
and all that but isn't all that torment meant to make me go round the bend? Anyway I waited patiently for my birthday to come and here it's, it's has arrived safely. My DRAGON:) and me:)

On that fateful day, I woke up like the way everyone wakes up on their birthday. I sauntered to the sitting room with eyes aching for more sleep. My family behaviours that morning was so odd and strange. "But today is my birthday. Where are my gifts, wishes and kisses from my loving family?" I checked the calendar to be certain it's my birthday. It's my birthday certainly. All I got from my loving family was "Hello son, hi big brother, morning cousin..." men! I think my family need a medical surgery:)...i mused...

Anyway, my virgin girlfriend has it all planned out for me. Who cares about what my family does:) I have a cunt to hunt:)

Later in the day my virgin girlfriend ringed me..."hi baby your birthday gift is waiting for you. I'm home alone in my room. Come quickly please, before I change my mind"... Oh boy eh my guys I use dana airlines land for her room oh.

The zero hour has finally graced me. A moment I need to zero in on my virgin girlfriend. I got to her room it was so dark. "I'm here in the room" she said with an erotic voice. "Give me a jiffy before you flick the light on.....okay i'm done. Switch the lights on so I can see those young virgin thighs...I need to make love to you like crazy until your goddam! Crippled Father hears your scream. On the light baby!" I vibrated.

The lights was switched on, and WO it was her father on the switch. The room was filled with my family, her family, our church members, school mates, neighbour and much more.

And I was standing in front of all of them NAKED carrying a CARTON OF CONDOM on my head. I had one in my mouth and few were on the floor. Lol

Pls find a theme/catch word for this message.......

CAN U STILL DATE YOUR EX?

Its getting more interesting@ this end..Let's get this tips,I think it will be of great help to our relationship lives.....

The hardest thing about being in a relationship is probably trying to decide if you should end it. The second hardest? Whether you should give it another chance -- especially if you've already broken up. There comes a time in most everyone's relationship when you think about throwing in the towel. And what if you do, but then your significant other wants you back? What if he promises to change? What if he swears up and down, back and forth, that that thing that tore you apart will never, ever happen again? Do you believe him? Do you risk getting your heart broken all over again?

If you're thinking about breathing new life into a dead relationship, here are seven things you should consider first.

What happened to break you up?

People break up for all kinds of reasons -- everything from an affair to physical or emotional abuse to just not feeling like you have anything in common anymore. There are no right and wrong reasons to breaking up. Everyone has to weigh what works and doesn't work for them individually. What you might not be able to stomach anymore, someone else might not see as a big deal. Think hard about what it is that broke you up and whether or not it's something you can either forgive or live with -- because there's no 100 percent guarantee that it won't keep happening.

Why do you want to reunite?

Is it mostly because he's putting so much pressure on you? Or maybe your kids are, or your family is? This needs to be your decision, not anyone else's. Do you truly still love him and see a future together -- or are you just worried about a single income, about being lonely, or about dating again? Consider whether you'd get back together if everything else in your life was going fabulously. If not, then you probably don't really want him, but just a relationship. Even if it's not a good one.

Look at the relationship as a whole. Sometimes when a relationship is bad, we end up breaking up over some silly thing -- but that was really just the straw that broke the camel's back. If you're feeling remorseful because you ended it over a forgotten anniversary or an ex he contacted on Facebook, ask yourself if this is TRULY why you broke up. Chances are, it was much deeper than that. Are you both admitting and confronting what really went wrong as opposed to the "official" reasons for the split?

Is the problem a chronic one? Is

what what broke you up something that keeps happening? How many chances have you already given your ex? Part of the conundrum of breaking up is that the ex can suddenly start to make all kinds of promises that whatever problems you have will never EVER happen again. But if they've already happened over and over, the reality is that no matter how much your spouse WANTS to change, he may simply not be able to. Psychological forces often dating back to childhood have shaped this person's habits. Those won't easily be undone just because he wants them undone.

Can you truly forgive? If you

decide to get back together, you can't be throwing your ex's transgressions in his face every time you want to win an argument. Not that the problem can never be spoken of again, but it can't be your go-to "gotcha."

What a MEATY,PUNCHY AND WEATY headline i saw on my facebook this morning.

Ask me what i saw?Tayo,kindly help md out,APRIL FOOL HAS FOOLED MY MARRIAGE,
Unnecessary joke has spoilt my marriage.

... It didnt attract me at 1st because the sender isnt the serious type(jovier type)i thought he wanted to fool me too.

I didnt joke with my wife that i bought her a car neither did i tell her i bought her an expensive diamond/gold.

Oro nla!
To be candid,this matter is still as hot and fresh like hot cake,infact it is still unresolved as at the time of this writing.

Do u actually want the rest of the story?then sit tight and fasten your seat belt while we unveil the mystery behind story

Yours sincerely,
Ariwoola Temitayo Issues.

As usual on the 1st of April is our fool day,i sat down and thought of what surprise to give my wife who had earlier travelled 3days before the day to her home town.

Immediately,i called my wife's younger sister to let play on her sister's intelligence.

What a sucessful plan i thought we had until it turned the other way round.
The plan was that i will call my wife on phone while her sister shouts this on phone
""honey,pls drop the call wth my sister and bk for the last round of sex,i want more baby'""

This arouse the anger of my wife and thus put her on the high way to Lagos having heard this.
O MA SE O

It was a catastrophe one wen my wife was knocked by a bike wen coming home with inquisitiveness to end our 3yrs marriage.

2 tins involved now,
my marriage is fluntuating like Mtel network,no more trust.
2ndly,she is lying helplessly on her hospital bed having sustained fracture injury.

What shd i do house?
Meaningful comment pls.

ASSERTIVENESS

 

Money is often a trigger point for arguments in a relationship. According to the relationship guidance organization Relate it is one the top causes of rows along with sex, untidiness, disciplining children, housework and parents and friends.

"Money is more important than sex in making or breaking relationships.

True or false?

People can accommodate different sexual preferences more easily than differences over handling money."

What are the problem areas

Handling the money It can cause resentment if one partner feels left with all the responsibility of sorting out the money issues. They feel as if they have all the work and all the worry.

Attitudes to money If you are a miser living with a spendthrift nightmares can result. Resentment can build up. If you are a worrier living with someone with a devil may care attitude the mismatch may create friction.

Different priorities Husbands and wives may have different goals and different fears. One may be paranoid about getting into debt the other may have no problem with loans and credit cards. He might want a flash car, she might want some money in the bank or he might want to retire early but she wants to spend it on the latest fashion or new carpets. He may think the new home cinema is a new asset to the home, she may see it as a boy's toy. One of you may be more interested in having fun, the other in settling down, nesting and starting a family. If the differences are fundamental this can create conflict.

If your partner spends without your agreement, you feel robbed of power, and afraid of what else might happen that you disagree with. Or it might bring back powerful feelings from your childhood that you have not resolved - if money was always tight maybe you are still uneasy about spending, even if cash is available. So the argument may not always be about what it seems.

So what can you do to avoid the problems that can sabotage a relationship?

Some people may find it embarrassing but it is essential to talk directly about money and your attitudes to money to make sure you are on the same wavelength early on in relationships. You shouldn't assume that you understand how someone feels from what you can see about their behaviour - although it can flag up some warning signs if moths fly out the wallet when it is opened! If you can talk about it you may be able to forge compromises - before it is too late.

Discuss your goals Make sure you both know what your short- medium- and long term goals are. Financially this can be anything from paying off your credit card bills, to saving up for a deposit for a house, to the ability of one person not to work while children are small. If you don't want the same things are you in the right relationship?

Discuss your attitudes Do you both feel the same way about debt? Are you happy paying for the new sofa on a credit card or would you rather save up. Avoid conflicts by understanding one another's attitudes to debt, to spending and to the future.

Set some rough limits Decide how much one of you can spend without consulting the other. Work out how much you are happy to spend on a typical night out.

Work out a budget Sit down and make a list of all expenses - and don't forget to include an allowance for irregular items such as the dentist and car maintenance as well as the obvious bills. Compare this with your income and it should give you a good idea of how much "disposable income" you have - if any and then you can plan what to do with this. If you have no disposable income then you need to have a serious chat about where and how to cut back.

Share budgeting responsibilities You should both know how much you pay for rent/mortgage, council tax, utility bills, car and house insurance, and so on. You should both have an understanding of your total debts and/or savings and investments. Neither partner should feel that they have the entire worry or responsibility.

Joint and separate accounts For couples where both are working and one partner resents the free spending of the other one solution is to have both joint and separate accounts. You work out what the household expenditures are - mortgage, bills, housekeeping and so on - agreeing on what constitutes a joint expenditure in areas where there may be issues - for example one couple don't buy booze out of the joint account as one of them drinks far more than the other. Then agree to pay a certain amount of your salary into the joint account each month which will cover all the bills. You will need to discuss how much each will pay - some couples may want to pay 50:50 despite the fact that one partner earns more than the other - while others may agree that the person earning the most should pay proportionately more. What each person then has left is his or her own to spend. Alternatively, you could both pay everything into the joint account and then pay yourselves a monthly allowance and neither partner is allowed to criticise what that allowance is spent on.

Prioritise your expenses Don't book an expensive holiday when you are paying off debts. Work out what is more important - a new car or a new bedroom suite, or to put some money by for a rainy day and then stick to the plan. And don't forget most financial advisers suggest that you have three to six months' salary put by to cope with unexpected events so perhaps this should be your first goal.

Don't forget the occasional treat Unless you are really hard up you should give yourselves the odd treat. Most people work really hard and if it is all scrimping and saving for some future gratification it can be very dismal.

And if you need more convincing about the role that money plays in relationships you only need look at research done by Warwick University which found that men who lose their jobs can say goodbye to their wives. "one of the strongest statistical

Quote me!!!!

findings is that the higher the man's income, the greater the chance of the couple staying together.

"Men among the top 20% of earners are 46% less likely to get divorced than those in the bottom 20%. But the sudden changes for the worse can have an enormous effect on a marriage. "Their partnership is more likely to end in the year afterwards. Unexpectedly harsh economic times can wreak havoc with the chances of staying together. It is not low income that does most of the damage. It is dashed expectations," said Professor Andrew Oswald.

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

GREAT LESSONS TO BE LEARNT!!!!

THEME;DYING IN SILENCE!!!

Rita seemed to be overwhelmed by anxiety and depression as she poured out her heart to me.she was trying to hide her nervous tension under a calm exterior..
She began by explaining that she didn't understand why she couldn't cope,why she was simply falling apart.She had looked for solutions in different areas,reading books about coping with anxiety and depression,and attending every marriage and sucessful living seminar she got wind of.However,these didn't eem to work for her and her frustration was causing her faith to waiver.She began to doubt if christ was the answer,as he didn't seem to answer her prayers..
What was Rita's problem,why was she so upset?she couldn't place her finger on it,except,her husband's affair had something to do with it..Kola,her husband,had been seeing a single girl for about a year,who had a baby with him.Rita was puzzled by the fact that she couldn't handle the news of her husband's child.Strange as it may seem,Rita was no stranger of infidelity.Kola had had many affairs over their eight yrs of marriage and this was the second child he had fathered out of wedlock.It was obvious that kola had a problem with self control because Rita could vividly remeber that Kola had been seeing other girls even while they were couting.
The fact that she had put up with eight years of infidelity and had been concealing her feelings,was destroying Rita's health.Kola,on the issue,as it afforded him the luxury of having a cook,laundress and mother for his children,as well as permission to maintain countless concubines.Rita had to realize that most of her problems were due to her incredible passivity and lack of critical discernment.She had to see that,although she might passively absorb abuse,her stomanch and every nerve in her body were going to urge back.On the other hand,developing assertiveness and expressing outrage at Kola's behaviour,would inevitably result in her leaving him.That was exactly what happened in the end..
Rita was scared of being alone and considered the innumerable role of being alone that Kola played in her life to give her reasons for shying away frm divorce.Finally,Kola made the decision for her and filed for divorce.The divorce went through and kola married one of his girlfrnds.Kola had closed the door to any hope that they would ever get back together again.Rita was now single and she had get on with her life...

Not all boys will cheat you, some
boys are faithful to their partners

Not all boys will break your heart,
some of them will give a love you
deserve

Not all boys will hurt you, some of
them just want to see a smile in
your face

Not all boys who just want only
sex from girls, some of them want
a real relationship

STOP SAYING THAT ALL MEN ARE
THE SAME,REMEMBER THE FACT
THAT THE PERSON WHO STARTED
THAT PHRASE WAS A CHINESE
WOMAN WHO LOST HIS HUSBAND
IN THE CROWD..

One day soon, you will have that someone who is thoughtful, attentive to your needs and who will know what you are about to say before you even say it. One day soon, you will experience what it means to be truly loved, truly cared for and truly needed.

One day soon, you will have someone who will only enhance what you already possess, someone who will be supportive, encourage you and not hinder you. One day soon, you will once again laugh, smile and enjoy what love is supposed to be in your life.

One day soon, God will bring into your life the person that was created, not for someone else, but the one that was created JUST FOR YOU!

Ariwoola Temitayo

Before you get married please read...and share!!
1. Once you are hooked to the
wrong
person the battle is over, you will
either be managing or patching till you
die. If a goat marries a fish, how
would they live or where would
they
be meeting each other? It is only
when the goat is thirsty and goes to
the river to drink water that they
will
only see briefly as the
fish will jump out to greet the goat
and swim away. Any marriage where
both partners see each other once
in
a long while is likened to the goat
and
fish illustration above. Marriage does
not make marriage. It is the people
in marriage that make marriage.
2 .Compatibility is worked out, of
course you may never get a perfect person.
But with dedication, knowledge
and
wisdom compatibility will start
building, that is if he or she is the
right person.
3. But the major challenge in
getting
married is choosing the right
person.
You don't choose a person
because he or she is available or eligible. You
choose a person because that
person
is the right for you.
4. Run away from any man or
woman that is easily angered by nature;
that
is getting angry easily is he or
she's
lifestyle. It is difficult to change that
person. But if someone gets angry by
mistake, that person can be
corrected but if it is his or her
nature, you have to think twice.
5. It is possible to mis-marry. It is
possible to be living with the wrong
man or woman. It is possible to be
dating the wrong person or be in
courtship with the wrong person.
6. Once your choice is right then
you are on the right track. How can a
lion
be married to a goat? what now
happens when the lion is hungry?
Any
man that beats his wife is likened to
the above illustration. Any woman
that
oppresses her husband is also
likened
to this scenario.
7. There are some people
that are
highly inflamable, please do not
take a
box of matches near them. What
this
means is that these people's hearts are made
of stone, giving them
your
soft heart in love is a mistake. They
will not value it.
8. Love may be blind to many, but
marriage will definitely open their eyes. Love
in reality is not blind
when
you start seeing those
unchangeable
signs during courtship please keep
off. When a man starts cheating on you when
dating, it is a sign that
he
will do much more when he is
married
to you. He or she may legally begin
to cheat on you because he is now
married legally to you.
9. Dating is not for outing alone,
dating is for knowing, watching
and
examining. Watch out for negative signs to
see if it can be dealt with,
if
it cannot be dealt with in courtship
it
may not change in marriage.
10. To get the right person, try to be
the right person. Work on yourself,
work on your flaws.
11 America and the western world
is plagued with divorce today because
they marry without paying
attention to
these facts listed above. They
marry
without knowing the person they are
marrying at least to a large extent.
12. Don't practice divorce before
you
get married. That is when you are
breaking relationships over and over
again, your emotion is also
affected in
the process. Wait for the right
person.
13. Don't marry because you cannot
enjoy your singlehood. If you are
happy being single, then you will
be
happy being married and if you
are not happy while still single......
14. Marriage is not an escape from
singlehood but marriage is actually
a graduation from
single hood...moving from writing simple
exams of life
to
writing another hard exams.
15. Do not rush into marriage
because
you are under pressure or you are feeling
you are the odd one out.
When
you are feeling everyone is getting
married except you then you are
making yourself becoming a
wrong person.....

Oke Adewunmi Up'stairs

YOU MIGHT THINK THE CONTENT OF THIS POST IS OUTDATED, BUT KINDLY NOTE THAT IT'S BY POPULAR DEMAND!

Oke Adewunmi Up'stairs writes:

"If I were a Final Year Student at this moment and I'm being asked to come up with 3 Project Topics for my Final Year Project; Guess what would be my likely topics.

1. AFTERMATH OF VAL. AMONGST YOUTHS IN THE THIRD WORLD NATIONS
(...a study of Nigerian Youth Populace)

2. VALENTINE'S DAY: THE GOOD, BAD, AND THE UGLY
(...a study of 'Segun, 'Jumoke and 'Labisi)

3. THE CONTRIBUTING IMPACT OF VAL. CELEBRATION ON THE RATE OF UNWANTED PREGNANCY DELIVERED IN THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER
(...a study of Pregnant Girls realized within February 14th and November)

God bear me witness; I go write!
I'm sure my Supervisor would be proud of me."

Ariwoola Temitayo

Relationship Problem: Money

Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged. They can stem, for example, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) recommends that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.

Problem-solving strategies:

Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is simply unrealistic.
Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.

Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other's tendencies.

Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
Don't blame.

Construct a joint budget that includes savings.

Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.

Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.

Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals too.

Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.

Yours sincerely,
Dr Issues in Dating..

Ariwoola Temitayo

Relationship Problem: Struggles Over Home Chores

Most partners work outside the home and often at more than one job. So it's important to fairly divide the labor at home, says Dr issues, How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart.

Problem-solving strategies:

Be organized and clear about your respective jobs in the home,late,Bimbo Odukoya says. "Write all the jobs down and agree on who does what." Be fair: Make sure each partner's tasks are equitable so no resentment builds.

Be open to other solutions,If you both hate housework, maybe you can spring for a cleaning service. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. You can be creative and take preferences into account -- as long as it feels fair to both of you.

Relationship Problem: Not Making Your Relationship a Priority

If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point should not end when you say "I do." Karen Sherman, author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last says, "Relationships lose their luster. So make yours a priority."

Problem-solving strategies:

Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Make gestures of appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.

Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.
Respect one another. Say "thank you," and "I appreciate ...." It lets your partner know that he or she matters.

Having gone through a question asked by a fan on this great page,I conducted a research work on the issue of sickle cell aneamia...

Sickle Cell and Falling in Love
Written by Sickle Cell Warrior on 27 May 2010
There are so many dynamics as it relates to being married/engaged/significant other with someone that has Sickle Cell. What are your thoughts around this? What have you learned? What works? What doesn’t?

The first thing is to realize is that not every guy or woman can handle being with someone that has sickle cell. I’ve had many boyfriends disappear once they realize the enormity of my condition. There was this guy that I was really serious about that ended up bailing after my first major hospitalization even though he had been there all through the time I was sick. He said he loved me too much to see me in pain like that and couldn’t imagine having to deal with that for the rest of his life.

At one point, I actually had a lot of self esteem issues related to dating because of my sickle cell. I considered myself a “short term relationship” girl, meaning that I could have a good relationship for 3-6 months but once a crises hit I could guarantee the guy was out the door. When I was in a relationship, I tended to overcompensate for being a sickle cell warrior, accepting shit that no one in their right mind would accept from a boyfriend. I felt that this was the only way to cover up my genetic fault. So I took risks, made several bad choices, accepted crap, and did things that I normally would never do.

Eventually I realized that it wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough, it was because the guys I was messing with weren’t good enough. I took a time out and just learned to fall in love with myself. This was when the evolution of me from becoming a sickler to being a sickle cell warrior began to occur. It took about a year to actually get my mind right, and when I started dating again, I was a new woman. There was no more settling, no more putting up with BS, no more accepting stuff that wasn’t ideal for me in the guise of being in a relationship.

After that I met my sweetheart, and he changed my perception of men entirely. I told him about 6 weeks into dating that I had sickle cell, and gave him a synopsis of what it was. The next day, he arrived for a date, complete with printed out information, questions, phone numbers and references that he had spent the day compiling. He even called his Nobel prize nominee Uncle across the country to ask him if he could find a cure for me. That pretty much wowed me.

His tenacity and dedication into not allowing me to be complacent about my condition changed how I dealt with sickle cell. He found Nicosan, and that changed my life completely. He kinda became my guardian angel, and I could rest assured that no matter what was happening with my sickle cell, he had my back.

I guess what I’ve learned is that I had to stop treating sickle cell like it made me inferior in any way. I am a wonderful woman, and until I accepted that about myself, I couldn’t have the relationship that I deserved. I learned to tell the guys upfront about sickle cell, before I got too attached, so that when they disappeared, I wouldn’t have invested too much heart and time into them…lol. I also learned that sickle cell helped me find the guy that was right for me, because it weeded out all the Incorrigibles.

I think it takes a special person to be able to love a sickle cell warrior and hang in through the difficult times as well as the bad times. I know woman that was married to a man with sickle cell for 17 years, and she loved him from the first time she laid eyes on him lying on the hospital bed. She was there for him, took care of him, and treated him like a king, when he was sick or well. But he couldn’t love himself, and started drinking and cheating on her. He served her divorce papers while she was at the bedside of their 2 sons (both with sickle cell).

Relationships can be difficult, and when you throw in a complicated medical condition like sickle cell, then it makes things more dicey.

Call me an optimist, but I feel like the person that God wants you to be with; well, it will work out no matter what hurdles come your way. Because that person was specially designed to be with you, and you were both meant to complement each other. Sickness, unemployment, death, children, life….nothing is able to stand in the way of a relationship built on God. It might take some patience…and decades of prayer, but the right person for you will move heaven and earth to stay by your side, through thick and thin, sickle cell or not;…just like those vows say.

By Ariwoola Temitayo

 

 

 

Building a Healthy Relationship from the Start

The Beginning Stages

While the early months of a relationship can feel effortless and exciting, successful long-term relationships involve ongoing effort and compromise by both partners. Building healthy patterns early in your relationship can establish a solid foundation for the long run. When you are just starting a relationship, it is important to:

Build. Build a foundation of appreciation and respect. Focus on all the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy couples make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say "thank you" to their partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has made.

EXPLORE. Explore each other's interests so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual interests.
ESTABLISH;Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or hurt your partner's feelings. Saying "I'm sorry" may be hard in the moment, but it goes a long way towards healing a rift in a relationship. Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that you will take responsibility for your words and actions.
As the Months Go By: Important Things to Recognize as Your Relationship Grows

Relationships Change. Changes in life outside your relationship will impact what you want and need from the relationship. Since change is inevitable, welcoming it as an opportunity to enhance the relationship is more fruitful than trying to keep it from happening.

Check in Periodically. Occasionally set aside time to check in with each other on changing expectations and goals. If a couple ignores difficult topics for too long, their relationship is likely to drift into rocky waters without their noticing.

What to Do When Conflict Arises

Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal but, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. It is inevitable that there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright anger between you and your partner. The source of these problems may lie in unrealistic/unreasonable demands, unexplored expectations, or unresolved issues/behaviors in one partner or in the relationship. Resolving conflicts requires honesty, a willingness to consider your partner's perspective even if you don't fully understand it, and lots of communication.

Healthy communication is critical, especially when there are important decisions regarding sex, career, marriage, and family to be made. The following are some guidelines for successful communication and conflict resolution.
Consent
Say sorry as a man even if u at fault...

Learn to forgive
Be appreciative
Become a Peer Educator
Understand Each Others' Family Patterns.
Find out how conflicts were managed (or not managed) in your partner's family, and talk about how conflict was approached (or avoided) in your own family. It is not unusual for couples to discover that their families had different ways of expressing anger and resolving differences. If your family wasn't good at communicating or resolving conflict constructively, give yourself permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
Timing Counts. Contrary to previous notions, the best time to resolve a conflict may not be immediately. It is not unusual for one or both partners to need some time to cool off. This "time-out' period can help you avoid saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment, and can help partners more clearly identify what changes are most important. Remember - if you are angry with your partner but don't know what you want yet, it will be nearly impossible for your partner to figure it out!
Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support. Emotional support involves accepting your partner's differences and not insisting that he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them met. Find out how your partner shows his or her love for you, and don't set absolute criteria that require your partner to always behave differently before you're satisfied.
Agree to Disagree and Move On. Most couples will encounter some issues upon which they will never completely agree. Rather than continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate a compromise or find a way to work around the issue.
Distinguish between things you want versus things you need from your partner. For example, for safety reasons, you might need your partner to remember to pick you up on time after dark. But calling you several times a day may really only be a "want."
Clarify Your Messages. A clear message involves a respectful but direct expression of your wants and needs. Take some time to identify what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on being able to describe your request in clear, observable terms. For example, you might say, "I would like you to hold my hand more often" rather than the vague, "I wish you were more affectionate."
Discuss One Thing at a Time. It can be tempting to list your concerns or grievances, but doing so will likely prolong an argument. Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at a time.
Really Listen. Being a good listener requires the following: (a) don't interrupt, (b) focus on what your partner is saying rather than on formulating your own response, and (c) check out what you heard your partner say. You might start this process with: "I think you are saying..." Or "what I understood you to say was..." This step alone can prevent misunderstandings that might otherwise develop into a fight.
Restrain Yourself. Research has found that couples who "edit" themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking are typically the happiest.
Adopt a "Win-Win" Position. A "win-win" stance means that your goal is for the relationship, rather than for either partner, to "win" in a conflict situation. Ask yourself: "Is what I am about to say (or do) going to increase or decrease the odds that we'll work this problem out?"
Healthy and Problematic Expectations in Relationships

Each of us enters into romantic relationships with ideas about what we want based on family relationships, what we've seen in the media, and our own past relationship experiences. Holding on to unrealistic expectations can cause a relationship to be unsatisfying and to eventually fail. The following will help you to distinguish between healthy and problematic relationship expectations:

Respect Changes. What you want from a relationship in the early months of dating may be quite different from what you want after you have been together for some time. Anticipate that both you and your partner will change over time. Feelings of love and passion change with time, as well. Respecting and valuing these changes is healthy. Love literally changes brain chemistry for the first months of a relationship. For both physiological and emotional reasons, an established relationship will have a more complex and often richer type of passion than a new relationship.
Accept Differences. It is difficult, but healthy, to accept that there are some things about our partners that will not change over time, no matter how much we want them to. Unfortunately, there is often an expectation that our partner will change only in the ways we want. We may also hold the unrealistic expectation that our partner will never change from the way he or she is now.
Express Wants and Needs. While it is easy to assume that your partner knows your wants and needs, this is often not the case and can be the source of much stress in relationships. A healthier approach is to directly express our needs and wishes to our partner.
Respect Your Partner's Rights. In healthy relationships, there is respect for each partner's right to have her/his own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions. It is unrealistic to expect or demand that that he or she have the same priorities, goals, and interests as you.
Be Prepared to "Fight Fair." Couples who view conflict as a threat to the relationship, and something to be avoided at all costs, often find that accumulated and unaddressed conflicts are the real threat. Healthy couples fight, but they "fight fair" - accepting responsibility for their part in a problem, admitting when they are wrong, and seeking compromise. Additional information about fair fighting can be found here.

Fighting Fair

Maintain the Relationship. Most of us know that keeping a vehicle moving in the desired direction requires not only regular refueling, but also ongoing maintenance and active corrections to the steering to compensate for changes in the road. A similar situation applies to continuing relationships. While we may work hard to get the relationship started, expecting to cruise without effort or active maintenance typically leads the relationship to stall or crash! Though gifts and getaways are important, it is often the small, nonmaterial things that partners routinely do for each other that keep the relationship satisfying.
Outside Pressures on the Relationship

Differences in Background. Even partners coming from very similar cultural, religious, or economic backgrounds can benefit from discussing their expectations of how a good boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse behaves. What seems obvious or normal to you may surprise your partner, and vice versa. If you are from different backgrounds, be aware that you may need to spend more time and energy to build your relationship. Take the time to learn about your partner's culture or religion, being careful to check out what parts of such information actually fit for your partner.

Time Together and Apart. How much time you spend together and apart is a common relationship concern. If you interpret your partner's time apart from you as, "he or she doesn't care for me as much as I care for him or her," you may be headed for trouble by jumping to conclusions. Check out with your partner what time alone means to him or her, and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together. Demanding what you want, regardless of your partner's needs, usually ends up driving your partner away, so work on reaching a compromise.

Your Partner's Family. For many students, families remain an important source of emotional, if not financial, support during their years at the university. Some people find dealing with their partner's family difficult or frustrating. It can help to take a step back and think about parental good intentions. Families may offer well-intentioned advice about your relationship or your partner. It's important that the two of you discuss and agree on how you want to respond to differing family values and support one another in the face of what can be very intense "suggestions" from family.

Friends. There are some people who seem to believe that "I have to give up all my friends unless my partner likes them as much as I do." Giving up friends is not healthy for you or the relationship, except in circumstances where your friends pressure you to participate in activities that are damaging to yourself and the relationship. At the same time, keep in mind that your partner may not enjoy your friends as much as you do. Negotiate which friends you and your partner spend time with together. You might ask: "Which of my friends do you enjoy seeing and which ones would you rather I see alone or at other times when I'm not with you?"