By Dr.,Adewunmi Oke of Way Out Clinic

I have just taken up to 5 morsels out of the heap of White Amala and Ewedu which was prepared by my Lovely Elder Sister last night, lo and behold, I got an Alert on my Phone, indicating that I've got a message waiting in WARD "F" (My Facebook Inbox). However, I know it's quite a bad habit for one to talk or operate phone while eating, but I had to jump protoco...

ls simply because I know the message is "WAY OUT CLINIC-ORIENTED".

RISK! RISK!! RISK!!!
I appreciate when Orators tell us in their Speeches that Life is all about RISK TAKING. In fact, I so much know that NO ONE could live good on this planet-earth without taking risks, but...;

HOW REASONABLE IS THE RISK ON POINT?
BECAUSE OF WHOM IS THE RISK TAKEN?
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES LIKE FOR THE RISK NOT TO BACK-FIRE?

Meanwhile,
IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE WHO STILL BELIEVE MARRIAGE IS "AN AMUSEMENT PARK" WHERE EVEN IN THE FACE OF RISKS, YOU BELIEVE ALL YOU WOULD EXPERIENCE IS NOTHING BUT ONLY GOODNESS, Hmmmmmnnnnn!!!

I THINK YOU NEED TO LEARN...

**** **** ****
He writes...
"Please my wish is for you to post this on THE WAY OUT CLINIC forum for response from members. My name should not be mention please. I am really in pains and need solution. THANKS

I don’t even know where to start. But the issue is I married a woman that I have invested my resources and time to assist her in whatever capacity within my reach and limit. But after we got married this woman has never said anything good about me to her family but instead tell negative things about me that made her family look at me as a wicked person. I talk to her in different ways but still there is no change.

She as well tells people who cares to hear negative things about me including those that are not her age mate.

She is HIV positive put agreed to marry with the consideration that if we were together and this thing happened will I leave her? But all this sacrifice has never been appreciated by her nor her family. And this I have never told anyone about her health status. As God will have it, we have two kids both HIV negative and I the father also negative.

And I have never had sex with her using condom, but still God has shown His great wonders by me not contacting HIV.

But as I am writing now, I am at the point of breaking the marriage because there is no respect given to me, my parents and my sibling by the same woman I made these huge sacrifices to.

I can’t explain everything that transpired for the past 9 years of marriage. She has never for a day in these 9 years bring any idea that can develop the house and any idea I bring she don’t respond but instead will take the issue to her family for consultation and that is how her input will never be made.

I have taken the issue to the father but the father said that it not yet time for him to say anything yet. This I conclude he is in support of what she is doing. The mother as well.ww

Knowing between the right relationship and wrong one have always been a dreadful rubbicorn to be addressed..it seems to be a stage of either being confused as to move on or resign the appointment from the relationship..
Here are vital and cogent talks and writtings you need to know...
One way for you to know if the relationship you’re in is right for you would be to go down through my list of “how to know when you should leave the relationship you’re in“, and if none of those characteristics apply to your relationship, you’re in pretty good shape! However, in my quest to keep things balanced (and positive), I wanted to write a little bit more about how you know when you’re in the right relationship.
First off, generally you just know. I had heard this for so long from other people in “right relationships” that it had become a cliche, and, not having ever experienced it, I had no way of knowing from my own experience whether or not it was actually true. However, now that I do experience it, I can tell you that there is an enormous qualitative difference in the way that you FEEL when you’re in the right relationship. You do “just know”. Maybe what you notice is the absence of “icky” feelings when you contemplate things like spending the rest of your life with this person. Or there’s a quality of your partnership that just makes sense. What I’m describing here are feelings that you’ll have with your “whole self” – and are sensed by your intuition, they’re not based in logical thought. Whether or not you have “that feeling” of knowing that you’re with the right person for you, keep reading if your logical mind is just craving a list to help you quantify whether or not the relationship you’re in is right for you.
You and your partner support each other in who you currently ARE. If you can do no wrong in your partner’s eyes, and your partner can do no wrong in your eyes, that’s a great start – assuming that the “do-no-wrongness” is based in how much you care about that person. In other words, if you can say “I support my partner in whatever they do because I care about them” then you are definitely with the right person. If you say “I support my partner in whatever they do because I don’t give a sh*t” – well, that’s not real support, that’s ambivalence.
You and your partner are not afraid of change in each other; in fact, you encourage each other’s growth. When your relationship is based on love and respect, you trust your partner’s growth. You recognize that it is part of human nature to continually evolve, create, and express. As you watch your partner’s “becoming”, you fall more and more in love with that person. You get excited when you come across things that you know will be interesting growth opportunities for your partner.
You and your partner have strong friendships outside of your relationship. You’re both meeting and getting to know cool people. When your partner meets someone really cool, you get psyched up knowing that there’s yet another cool person in your life.
You trust your partner to act in the best interests of your relationship. There are always choices to be made. Your choices and your partner’s choices support each other, and support your decision to be together. When there are tough decisions to be made, the two of you discuss your options openly, and you help each other arrive at the best decision.
Intimacy. You have it. On a physical, emotional, and spiritual level (and other levels, should you acknowledge them). Over time, you and your partner are getting to know each other more and more deeply. You learn to appreciate each other as physical beings. You discover more about what your partner cares about on an emotional level – what makes them happy, what obstacles they’re trying to overcome – and you reinforce the good, and do your best to help them in their quest to overcome whatever’s tough. Also, you nurture each other on a “soul” level. What I mean by that is that along with appreciating the manifestation of your partner, you recognize and honor something deeper about them, about the life force behind the body, the spirit that is making itself known in this physical world. And since they take the same interest in your spirit, your spirits are getting to know each other pretty darn well. And loving each other. That’s intimacy, in a nutshell.
Turns out that the list of things that make a relationship the “right” relationship is actually a lot shorter than the list of how to know when you’re NOT in the right relationship. The list of “not” characteristics could probably be infinitely long – but what makes a relationship a good relationship is quite simple. When you’re in the right relationship, you have a solid foundation that supports you throughout the dynamic of how you interact with your partner. Plus (and most importantly), it’ll feel right. You’ll know that it feels right because you won’t be second-guessing yourself anymore – instead, you’ll notice the absence of internal conflict when you’re around this person. When you’re in the right relationship, just being around your partner reinforces who you are, and what you were meant to do in this world. If you’re not in the right relationship, don’t despair – this planet is full of amazing people, and many of them are PERFECT for you. Get single and work on your own goals. The more true to yourself you can be, the more likelihood you’ll have of meeting someone in alignment with who you are.
If you are already in the right relationship – congratulations! Of course you knew before even reading this article, didn’t you? Perhaps you can think of a couple more ways to know when a relationship is right for you? Add them in the comments, or contact me behind-the-scenes.
ON ISSUES IN DATING,YOUR HAPPINESS IS OUR GLADNESS!!!!!!!!

BY ARIWOOLA TEMITAYO.O

 

2days ago,I was explaining some issues on issues in dating page..I remembered I stopped at BACKGROUND DIFFERENCES,while I promised to discuss the rest..
MODE OF COMMUNICATION
Death and life are in power of the tongue(pro 18:21)
Problems and differences in families do not become dangerous,unless you cannot talk about them.The inability to communicate these problems and differences puts the relatio...

nship in great danger.This can lead to a breakup in courtship if it is not addressed.
WHAT IS COMMUNICATION?
Communication in its. Functional definition can be described as a process of sharing either verbal or non verbal information with another person or group of persons in such a way that he or she or they understand what u are saying.In other words,for the act of communication to take place effectively,there has to be talking,listening,hearing and understanding.
A vital issues in communication is understanding.A message should be sent in such a way that it can be understood.We should be attentive(wth our whole being)so that we don't misunderstand.
Couples are always communicating,whether they utter words or not.Communication is more than you imagine it to be.Experts tell us that words comprise only about 7% of communication(messages sent)body language 55%,tone of voice 38%.How we say what we say,even wen we refuse to say anytin at all,carries a message which has a particular meaning to the perceiver,depending on how he or she perceives it.
Our tone of voice often distorts the messages we send.A raised voice,for instance,give a sarcastic meaning to a simple,how are you?especially wen unaccompanied by a bright face or a face or a smile.
When we say,I am sorry,in a curt and sharp way,it raises questions about the sincerity of our professed remose..
It is not just enough to say somthing.How it is said and how it finally comes across are equally important and need minding too.Your voice should be pleasant modulated at the right pitch to amplify the statement you are making.When people,especially women,listen they somtimes tend to hear what was not said,with the aid of non verbal inflections and intonations..
Communication is not complete until the other person perceives and understands the message.it is not just enough to pass on a message,verbally or otherwise;it is important that u get feed back.this will show you how much the other person has understood.
Communication experts say there are 6 indices you need to watch out for wen u communicate,especially with your patner..
WHAT U MEAN TO SAY
WHAt U ACTUALLY SaY
WHAT THE OTHER PERSON HEARS
WHAT THE OTHER PERSON SAYS ABOUT WHAT U SAID
WHAT U THINK THE OTHER PERSON SAID ABOUT WHAT U SAID..
This is why a lot of effort should go into communication.There is a need for the other person to hear and understand you,and for you to be sure that the message he or she picks up is exactly that which was intended.This calls for caution..Watch what u say.Think before you talk.....

See More

Deborah Jumoke Akinrinsola

A MUST READ)....... They both claim to be in love
for 5years. All through their relationship, the
guy kept insulting her, he beats her up
publicly, molestz her when she's not in the
mood. He also slept with her sister and
...

posted copies of her nude body all over the
campus. But the girl stood by him and loved
him even more. Her friends persuaded her
and tried to discourage her, but she kept
putting up with him and even helped him
excel inall his lectures and exams. On the final
day of graduation, the guy was to graduate
with a first class, a day filled with joy for her
and him. He sent her a text and told her ''the
relationship is over.'' ' How cruel some guys
can be! While waiting for his award at the
convocation ceremony. The girl walked up to
him and told him ''you are finished.'Immed
iately the VC announced and told the guy,his
papers were not found, that he never did his
registration during the admission process. He
had to start all over again after wasting 5
years of hadwork. However...The girl was the
brain behind the missing papers. How
heartless some girls can be! My question here
is, who is more heartless, THE GUY or THE
GIRL?

See More

Ariwoola Temitayo

Am sure lessons to be learnt this evening would be of benefit to those who flirt around and wished all ladies were theirs..Kola's case on issues in Dating was sent to my 2go ward,I felt sorry and shed tears as it was explained to me..
Am married and by his grace my marriage will be 2yrs soon..
During my school days,I hardly do wthout having sex at least 3 times in a week wth different ladies..this...

continued for years,am used to it,i feel incomplete wen I dnt ve sex in 3days..
I got engaged,there after this problm of fruit of the womb erupted,my wife couldn't conceived..all effort to solve d problm proved abortive as doctors frm different hospitals keep saying the problem comes frm my body..
Am so confused that I dnt know if its a spiritual or physical problem
What shd I do?can dis be from my past or what?

See More

Ariwoola Temitayo

Failure in marriage can derail your purpose.

The solution to divorce is not to get married for the 2nd time but a time to get more knoledge.

Age does not qualify you for marriage,it is knoledge
...

Love is not a gurantee that gurantees a sucessful marraige

The problem we face in relationship is not INTERPERSONAL bt INTRAPERSONAL

The problem of INTERPERSONAL is not as hard as INTRAPERSONAL one..

Marriage does not solve ur LONELINESS,it adds to ur LONELINESS

M-meet
A-A
N-Need

Many stones have been left unturned in issues,relationships,marriages,courtship.Many would take the less important as cogent while d salients ones were often touched last..many would say,it dosnt matter,wen we start living together,I can change him/her..Note this,if u can't change now,then u can't change tomorrow..
*BACKGROUND DIFFERENCES
*MODE OF COMMUNICATION
*CONFLICT RESOLUTION
*AND FORGIVENESS are matters that must not be slightly played with..Thus,this led to a critical research by Dr.Issues in Dating...
BACKGROUND DIFFERENCE
Prov.18:2,A fool hath no delight in understanding,but that his heart discover itself..
Ask urself if the problems u are facing right now are just the result of ur background difference,instead of a major incompatibility.Does your disagreement,for example,stem from small differences you can both work on,like table manners,mode of dress,or choice of exclamatory words?
These could trigger disagreement.Something like how birthdays should be celebrated,if at all,could pose a major problem in your marriage.it may depend on how it was done in your family wen u were growing up..these matters can be sorted out if background differences are taken into consideration..
Mind you,courtship is a time to strenghten out things,to lay a proper foundation.You need to take time to look into your intended spouse's background while u are courting.
How does he or she co exist with his or her family?
How does the father treat the mother?these may be the reasons why you are having problems you can't understand.How do they resolve their conflicts?how much liberty do the children have to express themselves?How does ur intended spouse treat his parents and siblings,or respond to them?what level of bond exists between parents,parents and children,children among themselves?How do they treat their domestic servant at ur present?Is ur intended wife's mother the bread winner of their family?Then she is likey to be a career concious wife.If her mother is d bread winner of the famiily,does she treat her husband with respect?there is every likelihood that ur intended spouse will respond similarly to you,given the same circumstances...
If ur wife to be comes frm a family where the mother always shouts the father down whenever he wants to talk,be careful.Chances are that she may have picked that up.If her mother engages in argument readily,u may have a bellicose wife to cope with.
Oro po ninu iwe kobo..did sm1 jst say hmmmn?same tin here.
A man whose father keeps late hours without seeing anytin wrong with it,will probably do the same.He will need the grace of God to make him behave differently..mind u,
YOUR FAMiLY BACkGROUND WILL NOT NECESSARILY DICTATE WAT UR MARRIAGE WILL BE.Both of u are going to decide how u want your marriage to be,with a lot of information of wat ur backgrounds have been like.Many compromises will have to be made.We look at our families and decide either to repeat the pattern,if our experiences were positive,or we try to create the opppsite..
While it is good,better,or even best to find sm1 whose background is reconcile with ur own,it is however,not impossible to live with a person from a different background.Both of u shd work on ISSUES,which are bound to arise as a result of ur different backgrounds.This is wat courtship ENTAILS. However, let him or her know how u feel about his or her background which is evident by the way he or she behaves or expects people to behave.Meanwhile,be careful not to be judgmental about this.It shd be an open,heart to heart talk,with neither of u attempting to put the other person down or make prescription about what is wrong or right.you are bound to RUN into trouble if u start seeing these differences as either right or wrong...
JOIN U SHORTLY FOR
MODE OF COMMUNICATION
CONFLICT RESOLUTION AND FORGIVENESS...

Yours sincerely,
Dr Issues

HOW CAN I ASK A LADY OUT?

 

 

While peeping tru my inbox now was an interesting post..I so much love the courage of the person to ve asked
such a cogent and salient question which many big boys out there shy of..
This is indeed very loving.Thus,motivated my curiosity to answering the question
UNCLE T,HOW CAN I ASK A GIRL OUT???
This isn't simple as many thought.I tell u,many would say I love u and wished a lady were his girl..jst like that?
What a childish means of asking a lady out..
I rmbered I once write in piece of paper for ladies...what an ages past....why not follow this simple process..

Gauge her interest. Is she making eye contact with you? Is she smiling, laughing and having a good time talking to you? If so, you're on the right track. What if she keeps looking at you because she's annoyed with you always looking at her? This is not a good sign, and the girl might be a little stressed herself. Make sure to keep your feelings about her private, and not so obvious.

2
Notice how often she touches you. If she's constantly trying to touch your hand or finds excuses to do so, then she's probably interested. However, don't assume that she doesn't like you if she isn't touching you. Likewise, don't start touching her if she isn't making contact with you. This usually scares or intimidates girls. If she won't even look at you, stay calm and find excuses to talk to her.
3
Observe how she looks at you. If she likes you, she will either hold your gaze for a long time or pull away immediately. Either of these signs could mean that she likes you. If you happen to glance at the girl and you see her staring back at you, then this means that she doesn't like you, or she does like you, although she may quickly dart her head in a different direction. If she's looking at you in a mean way, check your teeth. If she pulls away quickly, it could mean she is nervous but still likes you.

Remember that if you are having a conversation, girls tend to look at your face, so don't immediately assume that she likes you if you are speaking and she is simply listening. If you never talk to the girl, chances are you have a low chance of dating her. Friendships lead to loveship, but non-friendship leads to.... nothing.
Interact With Her

1
Look directly at her. While talking, make sure to look at her face and specifically her eyes. Pay attention to what she is saying so that when she asks you something or stops talking, you can continue the conversation intelligently. Don't get caught staring at her body. Very few women like this. If she doesn't look at you or she ignores you, back off, and leave her alone for a little. Some girls don't like looking boys in the eyes and talking. Read her body language.
2
Help her out. Offer to carry something heavy, get her lunch at the office or do something nice for her. If she refuses, then wait until she really needs help or comforting, like when she's feeling down and having a bad day. Be friendly and outgoing to her. If she walks away quickly, don't follow her or say, "What??" just keep on going.
Pop the Question

1
Make sure you look and smell nice. You don't need to get decked out in a suit and tie to ask a girl out, but make sure your clothes are clean and well-fit, that you've brushed your teeth and are wearing deodorant. You should never EVER wear the same clothes again, like you wear red sweatpants Monday, and then you wear them again on Tuesday.

2
Approach the girl you like. Don't worry about coming up with something overly clever. Simply say "Hi" or "Hey." As the conversation moves forward you can give her a complement or ask her a question.

If starting conversations is not your strong point,
3
Keep the tone casual and fun. Don't make the occasion seem like a big deal. Flirt a little! Relax, crack a joke, and break the touch barrier.

4
When the time is right, ask her for a date. Ask her to go the movies or something else you both would be interested in. You could also invite her out to happy hour at a bar you both enjoy. Try to make it original.

You might say: "I heard about this movie, _______. What do you think about it?" If she says she thinks it looks good, ask her if she'd like to go with you to see it. If she asks "As in a date?" say yes. Girls like guys who are sure of themselves much better than they do the cowardly guys.
5
Be confident. If she questions if you're asking her on a date, say yes. Girls like guys who are sure of themselves.

6
Be prepared for rejection. Keep your cool if she says no, smile and respond gracefully by saying, "No problem! Maybe another time." Change the conversation to something else or leave if you'd rather not hang around. Act as if you don't need her, because that sometimes will pique the interest of a girl. If she makes a face and yells, "Oh my gosh, no way!" this means that the girl is grossed out with you. Leave her alone and move wth ur life. Don't get your feelings too hurt though, this will leave you lifeless. Some girls just don't like this kind of stuff.

Good afternoon house,
Ariwoola temitayo of ISSUES IN DATINGHH

 

 

While peeping tru my inbox now was an interesting post..I so much love the courage of the person to ve asked
such a cogent and salient question which many big boys out there shy of..
This is indeed very loving.Thus,motivated my curiosity to answering the question
UNCLE T,HOW CAN I ASK A GIRL OUT???
This isn't simple as many thought.I tell u,many would say I love u and wished a lady were his girl..jst like that?
What a childish means of asking a lady out..
I rmbered I once write in piece of paper for ladies...what an ages past....why not follow this simple process..

Gauge her interest. Is she making eye contact with you? Is she smiling, laughing and having a good time talking to you? If so, you're on the right track. What if she keeps looking at you because she's annoyed with you always looking at her? This is not a good sign, and the girl might be a little stressed herself. Make sure to keep your feelings about her private, and not so obvious.

2
Notice how often she touches you. If she's constantly trying to touch your hand or finds excuses to do so, then she's probably interested. However, don't assume that she doesn't like you if she isn't touching you. Likewise, don't start touching her if she isn't making contact with you. This usually scares or intimidates girls. If she won't even look at you, stay calm and find excuses to talk to her.
3
Observe how she looks at you. If she likes you, she will either hold your gaze for a long time or pull away immediately. Either of these signs could mean that she likes you. If you happen to glance at the girl and you see her staring back at you, then this means that she doesn't like you, or she does like you, although she may quickly dart her head in a different direction. If she's looking at you in a mean way, check your teeth. If she pulls away quickly, it could mean she is nervous but still likes you.

Remember that if you are having a conversation, girls tend to look at your face, so don't immediately assume that she likes you if you are speaking and she is simply listening. If you never talk to the girl, chances are you have a low chance of dating her. Friendships lead to loveship, but non-friendship leads to.... nothing.
Interact With Her

1
Look directly at her. While talking, make sure to look at her face and specifically her eyes. Pay attention to what she is saying so that when she asks you something or stops talking, you can continue the conversation intelligently. Don't get caught staring at her body. Very few women like this. If she doesn't look at you or she ignores you, back off, and leave her alone for a little. Some girls don't like looking boys in the eyes and talking. Read her body language.
2
Help her out. Offer to carry something heavy, get her lunch at the office or do something nice for her. If she refuses, then wait until she really needs help or comforting, like when she's feeling down and having a bad day. Be friendly and outgoing to her. If she walks away quickly, don't follow her or say, "What??" just keep on going.
Pop the Question

1
Make sure you look and smell nice. You don't need to get decked out in a suit and tie to ask a girl out, but make sure your clothes are clean and well-fit, that you've brushed your teeth and are wearing deodorant. You should never EVER wear the same clothes again, like you wear red sweatpants Monday, and then you wear them again on Tuesday.

2
Approach the girl you like. Don't worry about coming up with something overly clever. Simply say "Hi" or "Hey." As the conversation moves forward you can give her a complement or ask her a question.

If starting conversations is not your strong point,
3
Keep the tone casual and fun. Don't make the occasion seem like a big deal. Flirt a little! Relax, crack a joke, and break the touch barrier.

4
When the time is right, ask her for a date. Ask her to go the movies or something else you both would be interested in. You could also invite her out to happy hour at a bar you both enjoy. Try to make it original.

You might say: "I heard about this movie, _______. What do you think about it?" If she says she thinks it looks good, ask her if she'd like to go with you to see it. If she asks "As in a date?" say yes. Girls like guys who are sure of themselves much better than they do the cowardly guys.
5
Be confident. If she questions if you're asking her on a date, say yes. Girls like guys who are sure of themselves.

6
Be prepared for rejection. Keep your cool if she says no, smile and respond gracefully by saying, "No problem! Maybe another time." Change the conversation to something else or leave if you'd rather not hang around. Act as if you don't need her, because that sometimes will pique the interest of a girl. If she makes a face and yells, "Oh my gosh, no way!" this means that the girl is grossed out with you. Leave her alone and move wth ur life. Don't get your feelings too hurt though, this will leave you lifeless. Some girls just don't like this kind of stuff.

Good afternoon house,
Ariwoola temitayo of ISSUES IN DATING

Many would say Doctor Issues has come again,though my post isn't more regular as before all in the name of sourcing for the real fact,nosing around and thus doing great, valuable interview.
This early piece is tagged DECISION MAKING..
One of the common mistakes people make in courtship is to assume that a courtship is sucessful only wen it ends in marriage.It is erroneous to think that the necess...

ary end to courtship is marriage.As such as we desire to graduate into marriage from courtship,a courtship that does not end in marriage is not a failed courtship.
No matter how perfectly matched a couple may appear,courtship is meant to address the question of affinity and the suitability of one for the other.It is a time to seek an answer to the question whether u are meant to be husband and wife.
If along the way u discover that u are really not meant to be together,and decide to go to ur seperate ways,rather than viewing the situation as failed courtship,I would have u see it as God that has answered your prayers.The courtship was a huge sucess.You are not meant to be husband and wife.God in his own way has saved you frm the costly mistake that living together would have been.That it may not be. The situation you prefer,does not change the fact that the courtship was sucessful,for it achieved its purpose
If you ve studied my writting well and thoughtfully,u shd have an idea of wat I say of how much work u need to do if u want to ve a happy married life.Am nt married!!!!get that.
Marriage is not a neceSsary end to courtship.in a good marriage.Marriage is not a destination.It is a journey of knowing each other better day by day..
If you focus on marriage rather than understanding and getting to ur patner with an open mind,the chances are that u are going to overlook or ignore tiny gaps in ur relationship that have the potential of becoming big gulfs in marriage.
Take a moment to reflect on the issues raised in my previous writings.These are very serious issues that could dtermine the way the rest of ur life turns out.Resolving these issues could be a prelude to the beginning of the rest of your life.Do not take them lightly by any means,your life could depend on it.......
WATCH OUT FOR THE REST..

See More

As at this morning,text,ping,flash came in asking the concluding part of a question I raised on this great page 2days ago on CAN THIS BE LOVE?
It took me an extra time to find a lasting answer to the question myself..
Out of a research work I did on it,Many said it was A STUPID LOVE Bola acted..
Many said in my interview,the last tin nvr to be done is to will their parents properties to their love...

d ones..
Things went apart as BOLA fell in love and willed her share of property to her husband...
It was an early inbox on my facebook ward 2days ago,I imagined if this can actually be true until I did a thorough research as an investigative journalist..as u are all aware post by Dr Issues himself would always go indepthly into knowing the right fact.

Bola in her HND1 met her love(Tunde)they tend to love each other cos I wouldn't want to eject my personal opinion...
2yrs after der meeting,bola had brought him for introduction to her parents...am frm a very rich family""Bola exclaimed""
The first day my dad saw him,he was displeased with him,he adviced strongly I leave him if our future is to be secured..
It got to a stage,daddy threatened to disown me if I dnt drop him..
Not quite long,my dad fell sick that took his breathe away from us(died).
This gave me more chance to further my relationship wth my guy..2yrs after,we wedded wth support frm my mum and other family members...
At my 8th mnth of pregnancy,I received the 1st ever thorough beating frm my husband,slap becomes my usual gift,embarrasment turned to my breakfast..
My husband changed to his original colour...
My baby was 3mnths wen my husband threw me out of the house we both built,he collected all the entrance keys to d house,collected my car keys too..
Life was horrible for me.I managed to rent a single room apartment where I live with my baby..
The most stupid act I did was that I INVESTED MY INHERITED WILL INTO HIS BUSINESS...
Am down,and need a rapid respond squard to give me vital comments...
Dr Issues,pls help me out...

 GREASING A RELATIONBSHIP



Most of us want to fall in love, be in love and stay in love and magically live happily ever after... as the story goes. We merge placing our soul in the hands of the other expecting that the relationship will provide all our happiness. We even expect our partner to know exactly what, when and how to provide this.

But fulfilling relationships do not happen automatically and they don't happen when the relationship is driven by a need rather than caring. If the relationship is going to grow we must give it our time and attention. We must each give to the other and not just be focused on what it is that we need. But often the relationship gets puts aside as the daily task of life take over. We barely have time for ourselves with our life schedule, work schedule or kid's schedules, let alone making time to focus on and give to our partner. We become distracted and tension builds up each person feeling that his/her needs for intimacy are not getting met. Each partner is waiting for the other to do something about it.


When a long time has gone by without intimacy, neither one wants to make the first move toward the other. (I call this the big stand off) Reaching out by either person does not take place. I see this so often in my psychotherapy office with couples who have not taken responsibility and brought to the relationship what was needed. What happens then is that there is a great deal to clean up that has been swept under the rug. I have to work at pealing away minor and major conflicts, disagreements, hurts, before I can get to the core problem which is that each person's core need to be loved and cared for is not getting met.

We all recognize that we need to tune up our cars, but we do not think of tuning up our relationships. We take more time with our homes, painting, fixing, redecorating, reconstructing etc. but we do not take the time with our relationships. Tensions then build up.

As with anything we aspire to, the more we put in the more we will get back. Look, for example, at a plant's life. Plants need care in order to survive and grow. They need water, fertilizer, light and air. If we do not give them these essential elements they will wither and die. Relationships are no different, they need certain essential elements in order for them to grow and proper or they too may die on the vine.

Couples need romantic time and fun together, they need a sense of security and commitment, and they need meaningful communication. This will keep the spirit in the relationship and allow each to open to the other to the point where intimacy can occur.

Here are some ways to achieve these essential elements so you can maintain a healthy and loving relationship. Integrate them into your daily life as best you can, but start today.

1) Developing romantic and fun time together. Set up your schedule to include time together. Be realistic with the amount of time your set aside. It is very important to be consistent. If you only have one hour a week, then do not plan a full day. Consistency built trust and connection lays the foundation of a healthy relationship. Both of you need to participate in deciding how and when to spend time together.

2) Developing a sense of security and commitment. Security is assurance we feel when we know someone is committed to love and values us. It's a sense that whatever conflicts or problems we have we will be fully committed to finding the solution and working together in partnership. We show our affection in little ways throughout the day with a phone call from the office or a hug when our partner returns home, or leaving a loving note on his/her car. Giving complements and expressing gratitude when your partner does something for you as simple as taking the dishes out of the dishwasher goes a long way.

3) Establishing meaningful communication. We do this by being open and honest with who we are and what we feel. We make request instead of demands, we watch our tone, and listen carefully to our partner. We share our hopes and dreams. We do this hopefully from a place of peace rather than a place of fear or blame. We express our ideas and goals for the relationship and our individual goals. We help to empower each other to fulfill our full potential and we work together to fulfill the potential of the relationship. Empowering means that we give encouragement support and believe in the other, maybe before they believe in themselves

Changing your relationship will take discipline, intention and courage. Be patient with yourself, praise yourself for all your efforts and listen to your soul sing. As we love others we are connecting with our true essence and being who we really are. If relationships are based on getting our needs met instead of by caring they are not likely to bring happiness.

I laugh each time I see people having several misconceptions about what RELATIONSHIP really stands for.

On hearing the word RELATIONSHIP, an average Nigerian Youth would tell you straight-away that Relationship is all about DATING and whatever activities it entails.

Well, permit me to refresh your Library this moment; The Noun, Relationship stands for ANY KIND OF TRANSACTION, DEAL, OR CONTRACT, WHETHER FORMAL OF INFORMAL, PLANNED OR UNPLANNED, BETWEEN OR AMONGST TWO OR MORE INDIVIDUALS. Now, you've got to know that Relationship is a general name used in referring to your "dealings" with fellow creatures. It goes beyond the "I LOVE YOU" definition.

Below are some of the Definitions and types of Relationship which we often ignore for the sake of the commonly-known RELATIONSHIP (Love and Dating);

Relationship explains the fact that you have SIBLINGS & PARENTS (Biological Relationship),

It explains the fact that you have SOMEONE you trust and would always confide in (Friendship),

It explains the fact that you have a BOSS you're working with (Working Relationship),

It explains the fact that you've got a Business Partner whom you've signed a business deal with (Business Relationship),

And above all, it tells on you when you maintain a very good rapport with your Supernatural Belief (Divine Relationship "with God").

Nonetheless, of all these types of RELATIONSHIP listed above, the most ubiquitous of all (always found everywhere) is FRIENDSHIP. Mind you, none of the Relationship types listed above can stand firmly if FRIENDSHIP is missing.

However, One BITTER Truth in Life is that FRIENDSHIP is just like a Coin of two sides; while some would testify to the Goodness in Friendship, many would share with you Testimonies of how the act has made them "who they are" at the moment.
No matter what your Experiences are about Life, 75% of the Experiences you gathered is actually born out of your Co-existence with Fellow Humans. If you're One of those in a Friendship Cobweb, here is a piece meant to tantalize your orientation as to Friendship and its Dynamics.

In the whole wide world (WWW) exists 3 kinds of Friendship out of which ALL YOUR FRIENDS must fall into one of the 3 kinds.

1. The INCOMPATIBLE:
Friends who fall under this category are those who by all indications are not in anyway in agreement with your Ideology about Life; they see you as being on the other side of life. Most times, you're not proud of calling them your Friends in the public, not because you don't like them, but because you might likewise be tagged of their Behaviour if seen in their company.

A very good example is when a Pastor's Son who is known to be very gentle with Godly behaviours now takes a well-known Tout, Agbero, Cultist & Rapist as his best of Friends.

Though, it is often said that "Bad Company corrupts Good Manners", but most times in this case, it is advisable One tries to influence such Friends positively; who knows, they might end up turning a good leaf through you, but if SYMPTOMS persist after many trial, kindly excuse such Friends to avoid being like "a Sheep pallying with a Dog".
("Agutan to ba ba Aja rin, a je Igbe")

2. SEASONAL FRIENDSHIP
Such Friends are like WIND; they blow here and there, looking for where is palatable at the moment, they hail you when you're Upstairs, but never give a damn when you drop Downstairs, they laugh when they see you, but frowns out the real Self when you're gone.

Sincerely speaking, this kind of Friendship is the hardest to detect: reason being that they are just like CHAMELEON that changes skin to suit its environment. Hardly would you know that another INNER SELF exists in them, 'cos they appear to be the ones who have always been there for you, but their being there is just to drill facts from you towards using same against you. In dealing with this set of Friends, One only needs to be systematic and wise 'cos it's like a Blind Man (YOU) fighting another Man who can see clearly in the Dark.

To identify if any of your Friends you've been suspecting falls under this category, try test him/her this way:
Tell him/her a "Fake" Secret you haven't told ANYONE in the world.
Then start observing!
You don't need to doubt any longer if you later hear that "Fake" Secret from someone else you never told.

They come to you for Assistance but still go about, telling people that you're heartless and stingy. That's WHO THEY ARE!

SEASONAL FRIENDS could be deadly. Hence, avoid them!

3. REAL FRIENDSHIP:
You are hurt, but he/she cries.
You are down, but he/she is always there to hold your hands up even higher than they were.

People hardly know how things go between both of you.
Atimes, you wonder why you're so fond of him/her even when no strings is attached.
You feel so safe and free to discuss burning issues you can't even discuss with your Parents, or even your Fiance(é): not because he/she keeps secrets but because you don't just know WHY.

Friends that fall under this kind are very rare to find. YES!
Tell them I say so.

Some might come to you in this form with the intent of gaining your ATTENTION, after which they would reveal themselves and strings attached. I call these ones the Fake REAL FRIENDS, 'cos though, they are good truly, but they are actually exhibiting these goodness with one intention or the other.

Meanwhile, REAL FRIENDS are just very NATURAL: they have NO PARTICULAR REASON for being close to you. They deal with you with much Respect; they respect everything that concerns you. Their happiness is totally tied round you 'cos they can only be happy when seeing you happy.

Guess you know what I'm talking about? *winks*
"Show me your Friend and I'll tell you WHO YOU ARE".

I wept and felt her pain within me wen I was chatting with her yesterday nite on facebook.for 2days now,ve been monitoring a younger female friend on facebook while she keeps changing her status from being into relationship/engaged to single and not searching.this raised my alarm to a very high point and makes me so inquisitive to knowing what went wrong.
Uncle T(tayo),my 6yrs of relationship ende

d ystday.I smiled not knowing it wasn't a newspaper headline.though very eager but I thought it was our usual joke of journalists to make news ,cast headlines just for humour purpose.
This joke became a reality when Bose opened up chat with me which lasted for 2hrs of non interruption.
I felt sober and wished the cup passed her by..
Uncle T,I nvr put God at first,I nvr consulted any1 before moving into this relationship.
I didn't know wat my mum saw,she keeps saying she dosnt want him,it almost led to an hpertensive one for her.
Everybody,his mum,younger ones care for me like der child and not a girlfiriend,she lamented.
I started spiritual enquries to 5 differnt pastors who all said d same of our incompatibility,they said danger spells at the front,they said if we dont end d relationship,we will end d marriage..

Haaa,6 yrs of being together in sickness,sound health,richness.will it end like this?

we cried at both arms wen we departed and say good bye to each other.It keeps flashing to my memory wen I think of how he stood by me wen I was in school.
Issues in dating,this is a lesson to be learn t.For now,I want to put God 1st in anything I do and be single so as to concentrate in other things."she exclaimed"
Though we had countless numbers of sex, with an abortion last year December,I hope and pray God forgives me..
I learn t my lessons,let others too learn theirs....
Why not join Ariwoola temitayo for more on www.issuesindating.blogspot.com

Before you go all the way inside of her,
before you finish saying you love her.
Before you buy her the ring, Before
you stretch your arms out and touch
her. Before you call her on the phone,
...

before you tell her your looking for a
wife. Before you fill her head up with
dreams, before you become the man
in her life. Before you decide to
approach her, before you decide to
kiss her. Before you go meet her
mother, before you tell her you miss
her. Before you make her emotional,
before you Get her excited. Before you
consume her mind, before she admits
she likes it...If your not right then leave
her, before she thinks you need her.
Before she feels its real, that woman is
a keeper!! For a man who wants a
blessing, for a man who wants a
queen. Not a man thats full of game,
or a man who wants to scheme. So
before you say i do, let your intentions
be to love her. Dont marry her for her
assets, marry her because you love
her. Don't marry because she's
pregnant, just be a father to that child.
Because if you marry her just because
she's pregnant, the arguments are
gonna affect that child. So before you
make a promise, and before her
feelings start. Know that she is a real
woman of God, and all im asking is
please - Don't break that womans
heart

-->

                                            WHY WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE?

BY ARIWOOLA TEMITAYO

Crucial moral values are being fought in our cultures. Nowhere is seen more vividly than in the present sexual attitude and behaviors of Americans. The average young person experiences many pressures in the information of personal sexual sex standards.

 The facts than some standards must be chosen cannot be ignored.Sex is where to stay, and it remains a basic force in our lives. We cannot ignore its presence any more than we can ignore other ordinary human drives.

This chapter explores contemporary sexual perspectives within a biblical framework. Each of us need to think through the implications of sexual alternatives  and choose a personal sexual ethic based on intellectual and xtian factors, not merely on biological,emotional,or social ones.

              SEX AND LOVE

Before we begin our survey of various perspectives, we need to examine carefully the relationship of the physical act of sexual intercourse and the more intangible aspects of a meaningful relationships between two humans being..

 Is having sex really making love? Modern case studies, psychological insights, church teachings, biblical premises all seem to suggest not. As a psychoanalyst Eric fromms puts, to love a person productively implies to care to feel responsible for his life not only his physical powers but for the growth and development of all his human powers.

 If sex is merely a physical thing, then masturbation or other forms of autoeroticism should provide true and complete sexual satisfaction. Such is not the case. Alternatives to normal sexual intercourse may satisfy physically,bot not emotionally.Meaningfully,sexual activities  as well as a desire to known and be known, to love and to be loved. Both desire makes up the real quest for intimacy in a relationship, sexual intercourse represent only one ingredient that allow us to represent true intimacy.

 A superior sexual relationship exist where the bond of mutual communication,understanding,affection and trust have formed, and two people have formed  and two people have committed themselves to each other In a permanent relationship. The more of these qualities that are present, the deeper the intimacy and the more meaningful in the relationship. The relationship becomes more valuable as time passes because it is of one kind-unique. To spread intimacy around through a variety of sexual liaison destroys the accumulated value of the previous relationship(s) and dilutes and scatter in little doses to a number of people what one has to give.

 Area challenge faces young people today. Given the choice between hamburger at five o clock or filet mignon at seven-thirty, are there any good reasons to forgo the hamburger and wait for the filet? Why not both? Why not take the hamburger now and the filet later?

 This attitude is precisely the rational of those who encourage sexual activity outside of marriage. But it is not possible to do so without encountering problems later. Too many hamburger as well.

ARGUMENT FOR PREMARITAL SEX

 Now we will begin to consider the arguments that are presented to justify sexual activity before and outside marriage. We will analyze the arguments briefly and explore the general implications of each rationale so that you can decide which will provide the best path for your future.

           PROMOTING ABSTINENCE PAYS

Their enthusiasms for abstinence-only educated are well founded. Even though the abstinence message has been criticized by some as naïve or inadequate, there are good reasons to promote abstinence in schools and society.

1. Teenagers want to learn about abstinence. Contrary to the often repeated teenage claim, not everyone is doing it.

2. Abstinence prevents pregnancy. Proponents of abstinence only programs argue that will significantly lower the teenage pregnancy rate and cite lot of anecdotes and statistics to make their case.

3. Abstinence prevents sexually transmitted diseases (std) After more than three decades, the sexual revolution has taken a lot of prisoners. Before 1960 there were only 2 STDs that doctors were concerned about; SYPHILIS AND GONORRHEA.Today, there are more than 20 STDs, ranging from the relatively harmless to the fatal.

                        AIRTEL RECHARGE CARD PIN

AS EARLIER PROMISED TO DROP THE AIRTEL RECHARGE CARD ON THE WEBSITE.BUT BEFORE DROPPING,I WILL SAY THIS.....

ON BEHALF OF GREAT MEMBERS OF ISSUES IN DATING WITH ARIWO,WE SINCERELY THANK THE DONOUR,ADENIKE ADEBO FOR GIVING US THIS RECHARGE CARD FOR THE WEEK.MIND YOU,PIN WILL BE REVEALED IN ALPHABET LETTERS...HERE COMES THE PIN FOR THE AIRTEL CARD.

AEGIAGEBEDEE0GB0